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Being Authentically You
by: Jennifer Snyder
I once read a fascinating, but all too realistic, story about a woman who opened her closet door and out tumbled various pieces of sporting equipment and memorabilia.

While these possessions represented the last decade of her life, she didn’t realize until putting them all away that she felt no connection to anything in her closet. You see, this poor woman had put aside her own interests for the hobbies of a long line of significant others. Standing before her newly straightened shelves, she recalled relationships with Partner A in the water skis, Partner B in the bicycle helmet, and Partner C with a paintball gun. She asked herself, “How could I have given up so much of myself so that nothing in my closet reflects my own interests?”

My simple answer is that she had a desire to fit in and be accepted. It’s a pretty safe bet that if a woman wants to become her partner’s ideal mate, she only needs to transform herself into that person. And it happens … again, and again, and again.

Still, we wonder, what does this cost her? And, is it fair to her significant other? Maybe, most importantly, we need to recognize that following this plan of action leads her to never finding a true ideal mate.

Like many of my coaching clients, I was raised with the unspoken messages of not asking for too much, and not being too vocal about my strengths. As a result, this upbringing and my need to be accepted after my divorce found me dating men who didn’t require much from their partner. At the same time, they didn’t offer much, either.

If you were looking for your ideal partner today, would you really be interested in someone whose only goal was to become your vision of a good mate? Would you want to spend time with someone who presented himself one way, but after the curtain was drawn, you saw something much different? Whether the person is a significant other or a female acquaintance, isn’t this image a little unsettling?

I don’t believe most women are trying to fool a mate with smoke and mirrors, but I do fear that many transform their lives to match their partner’s because they don’t yet know who they are, what their likes and dislikes are, or how to measure their goals and values.

A staggering number of women in my divorce workshops say, “I’ve given so much to my ex-husband and the family that I feel like I’m left with nothing. I couldn’t even tell you my favorite color, or what I want for dinner.” My heart immediately goes out to these women because years ago, their words were mine.

Sometimes help comes from the most unexpected places. A few weeks ago, while preparing for an appearance on an Orlando news program, I had to confront my comfortable pattern of downplaying my strengths. In the length of a short guest feature, I had to explain the ways I help women, and why I’m good at my work. This moment was significant for me, and one I will remember every time I find myself wanting to go back to that old habit of not being true to myself.

You can win in relationships and business by authentically knowing and being who you are, using the skills you bring to the table, and having a level of comfort that allows for flexibility and change.

Women shortchange themselves by jumping into relationships before taking the time to fully discover and appreciate themselves. They don’t stop to think about the characteristics they desire in a partner.

Are you looking for your ideal relationship?

Surprise—it all begins with being authentically you.


About the author:
Jennifer Snyder is the author of a self discovery workbook, The Time of Your Life: A Creative Sourcebook for Women. The Sourcebook can be ordered at http://www.timeofyourlifeafterdivorce.com


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 Flattering Styles For Women With Curves
 by: Her Plus Life

Are you one of those fabulous women that has curves, and you would like to know a fun way of showing them off? There are several ways to make your figure look the way that you want. It is all in the manner that you carry yourself. Being confident and following a few basic rules on how to dress will make you look like the woman you want to be.

The first rule is to go out and buy the correct size bra. A good bra will make your outfits look the way that they should. Having curves is a wonderful thing to have, but you need to know how to make them fit right with your clothing style. It is amazing what a great bra can do for your figure.

The second rule is buying clothes that are the right size for you. So, go ahead and throw away all those clothes that are too baggy on you. Say hello to a more fun, alive figure. Stop hiding it. Wearing sizes too big or small for your body frame will only accentuate your weight, and not your lovely curves. You do not want to wear shapeless styles. Try wearing semi-fitted separates. It will make you look taller and thinner, and make it look like you have a more sculpted waist. Wear tops that just skim your waist and hips. Jackets should be worn just to the length of your fingertips. As for your bottoms, select clothes that tend to taper downwards. It will look better than other styles. Skirts will look good if they are not too high. If you can sit in your skirt without it ridding up on you, then you are all set. Shift dresses are great especially with a round neckline. It will even out your proportions wonderfully.

The third rule is not to wear anything that is too bold, and that calls extra attention to yourself. That means no super bold prints, no big patch pockets, no oversized buttons or bows, and no horizontal patterns. You want to wear a nice crisp line of color, and then accessorize with just a few simple accessories such as jewelry or a scarf. Sometimes even just wearing one solid color all over is great look. It will add height to your frame, and shrink your width.

The last rule is very easy. You should buy the best quality that you can afford. Quality fabrics can make all the difference in how you look. Fine fabrics look better than stiff fabrics that can add inches onto your body. In addition, well-made clothes will hold their shape better. Better shape will improve your shape too. If you follow all these rules, you will look and feel better. So go out, and let your light shine. Better clothes, for a better you!


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