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To Trust or not to Trust !

by: Dorothy Lafrinere

Trust is something we learn as very small babies. We trust the first person that we bond with and it grows from there. Have you ever noticed how cool kids are? They trust every little thing we say. They rarely question us when we tell them something.

Believing our every word; and why not? They have not been exposed to mistrust yet, not that they would recognize it at such an early age.

Then they get older and come in contact with other children. This is when relationships begin., seperate from the familiar family relationships that they have grown to know as "normal". They begin to compare lifestyles with their friends and for some, this is when the first mistrust begins. They find out that it is not normal to be touched by people in their private parts. They find out that it is not normal to be beaten for doing something wrong. They find out that it is not normal to not be fed for a day or even two. They find that it is not normal to watch their dad hit their mom. They find lies, which gives birth to MISTRUST. Their lives turn an entire chapter at that point. They grow up somehow; suffering through the pain and loneliness of living with mistrust. For some they rise above it and use it as a learning tool. For others they become it; mistrusting everyone and everything. A small number of those people seek help and spend many hours and a great deal of energy trying to conquer it.

Then we have our jobs, we trust immediately anyone that has been there longer or that comes off as knowing more than us. We trust our bosses and our co-workers.

It is natural to trust as if we were babies all over again. With any new venture we yearn to trust.

When we first fall in love; What is that saying, "Love is Blind"? Ha! Now that's funny, because it really is blind. We trust so instantly and genuinely that we potentially set ourselves up for the biggest fall in our lives. Why is that? Is it because we are so driven by nature to want to trust someone? Or is trusting someone just a happier, easier, way of life.

Once a trust is breached, it creates a scar that has it's own heart and never goes away. We just learn to ignore its beat. We try to reorganize our minds and put it on the farthest burner we have. Some of us can do just that, while others cannot. For them life is not so easy. They find themselves thinking, should I trust or not? It's like they have to find proof and reason to trust, because their minds already mistrust. This is similar to the term "Guilty until proven innocent". For anyone out there that can relate to that, and I am sure there are many of you that do just that, life is hell.

If, lets say we love someone and they tell us one thing, and we keep getting mixed signals that stir up our mistrust thoughts, where do we go with that? Books tell us, that we are to trust the ones we love and that's it. And then, if our trust gets breached, and only then, can we be accurate with our mistrust. "Blah" I say! Oh and we're also told at the same time to trust our gut feelings. OK, I admit confusion here. I know this subject is really going to cut like a knife for some people and I will apologize now, but we have to deal with the reality of our lives. How else are we going to tackle our insecurities and get stronger. Our goal is to have a somewhat happy life. One that we can talk about to our grandchildren. We have to open our eyes and know what is going on in our wolds. If your relationship has had a breach of trust or if you have experienced mistrust earlier in your lives, then you already have a reason to feel insecure. Now that you know that, you can start to build up on that. Now you need to identify the exact core of it and toss it. Its old news and its over.

Start a whole new life as if being born again (for lack of a better phrase). I hear you already saying, "Easier said than done". I totally agree, but how many times have I said, "Anything worth having , does not come easy"? The answer is MANY. Life is not easy. We have to earned all our happiness. I have noticed, and I am guilty of this myself, that we are waiting for our lives to be happy. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about happiness and if I have realized anything at all, its that happiness is in you and your thinking and how you deal with every little thing. To Trust or not to Trust is in our control. If we choose not to trust, we open the door to all sorts of evil demons, such as jealousy, low self-esteem, anxiety, envy, selfishness, self-torture, worry, loneliness and just plain unhappiness. So when we feel that , "Trust or not trust" debate lurking in our minds, choose to not allow your mind to go that direction. Tell yourself, that you are an intelligent person and you know what is right and what is wrong right now. It'is now that you are living, not then, or the past. We are very good at deciding what we want to eat, right? Or where we want to vacation and spend tons of our hard earned money. So then why is it so hard for us to just change our train of thought? Let me tell you..HABITS!

Bad habits, and for any of you that have read my HABITS blog, then you know what I mean. So go back and read it again and again. I believe that if one really wants to change something, it CAN be changed. "Let your thoughts determine your goals and your goals determine your destiny" (something like that). We are all destined to be happy. We just have to focus on our goals.

Feeling mistrust definitely has been caused by something in our lives. We may never figure it out and some of us have already figured their reasons out. But for whatever the reason, it is a negative emotion and one we can surely do without. Work on it, then work on more trust and more love. When we can trust, love comes naturally and that always invites happiness. So there you have it! I have given you the steps; it is your responsibility to you to climb them.

Dorothy Lafrinere
Owner/Operator
Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com
Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy
Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com
email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com

This article is free for republishing

Dorothy Lafrinere

Owner/Operator/writer

Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com

Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy

Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com

email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com

Hello my name is Dorothy and I thought you might like to know a bit about me! I was born and raised in Canada where I raised 4 great children and ran a business for 23 years. I recently moved to Florida to continue my life and enjoy the tropics. My experiences throughout my life have built my character and made me an independent women. My issues regarding self-esteem have directed me towards creating a wonderful website for all the women in the world! www.WomensSelfesteem.com My goal is to simply put a smile on your face, add a little sunshine to your day, and help you find the strength to deal with your fears and tackle your weaknesses, but most importantly to help you find the goodness that is inside of you, so that you can live a peaceful and happy life.

I have had many questions reguarding why my website is totally free. Well, it isn't actually really free. The payment that I ask for from my members and any women that frequent my site is that they feel better about themselves, and that they use some of that gained strength to help other women who also suffer from self esteem issues that women are faced with in daily life.

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Putting Romance Back Into Your Marriage
by: Mark McAuley

Let me start by saying I am not a psycholigist or therapist, I am just a guy, who was married for 16 years, until that ended about a year and a half ago. I am now in a new and exciting relationship, which I believe will work out great. I am forty years old and just speaking from experience. Hopefully these tips I give you will spice up your love life again.

Often times in a marriage or long-term relationship, couples tend to fall into a routine. What maybe started out as a very romantic relationship, begins to slow down as bills, children, work and all the pressures of life conspire to give us stress and lead us away from what is really important.

I would venture to guess that most divorces stem from this problem. You see each other As a business partner, parenting partner, chore partner. But not so much as a lover. You have to drive the kids here and there, while your partner is getting the groceries. There is always something to do,and it usually does not include being alone with your partner.

Every once in a while you remember what it was like in the beginning, and think why can�t it be like that again. By the way, both sexes think this, the problem is they only think it, and usually don�t talk about it.

When the kids are small, I know it isn�t as easy to make time for each other, but the most important thing you can do for your marriage is to MAKE time. If that means getting grandma and grandpa to watch the kids overnight, or splurging on a babysitter once a week, it would be the best investment you could make in your marriage.

If you could get away with your partner for a date night once a week, you won�t regret it. Whether going out for dinner, or a movie, or a long walk together, it will bring the two of you closer together. Plus, getting away from the kids is a great stress reliever.

Then when you get back home, still with no kids around, a great way to spice things up in the bedroom, is with lingerie. It may sound clich�, but it really works. Think about it ladies, your partner sees you all week as a mom, housekeeper, breadwinner. The last thing he is thinking of you as, is a bedroom goddess. Believe me, if you come home after a nice night out, and you go upstairs and put on a beautiful piece of lingerie, a nice teddy, or corset, body stocking, or bustier, you�re partner will definitely be put into the mood.

It will make him see you as he used to see you. More than a mom, etc. After all, isn�t that what you want?

But, don�t stop there. A great way to spice things up is to try things you never tried before. That could be something as simple as bringing some food into the mix, you know strawberries, whip cream, things like that. Then, there is always the massage, everybody loves a massage with warm oil. Just the fact you are doing things differently will really help spice things up. We all know that we fall into a routine in the bedroom after a while. The only cure for that is to change things around.

So, hopefully this will help you to get back on the right track. Good luck. Visit my website at: http://www.purplemoose.us/lingerie.html

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