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How To Use Reverse Gossip To Get Someone To Like You More
by: Tristan Loo
Ordinarily we think of gossip and rumor-spreading as a negative network of lies and false assumptions that destroys reputations and ruins careers, but did you know that you can use gossip to your advantage when trying to create rapport and build trust with someone? Yes, its true. Use that very same negative network to make yourself appear more likable to another person.

The Underlying Psychological Mechanisms Involved

The American Psychologist Abraham Maslow came up with a 5-layered system of human needs that motivates people in life. One of those layers of need is the need for self-esteem and the sense of belonging. As human beings, we not only need to feel good about ourselves, but we also require confirmation and feedback from others on how they perceive us. Negative feedback poses a risk to our own self-esteem and therefore it creates conflict because we strive to protect our self-esteem. Positive feedback, in the form of compliments or respect, boosts our level of self-esteem and we tend to gravitate towards that positive feedback.

So All I Have To Do Is Start Complimenting People I Like?

Well…Only if you want to come off looking fake or like the drunk guy at the bar. Understand that while people like to hear good things about themselves, they are also highly suspicious about any compliments that you might give them. When we get complimented by someone who has not yet entered our circle of trust, we perceive it as a polite gesture or a red flag that they want something from us. We hold back accepting that the compliment is genuine until all avenues have been exhausted. Repeated compliments further raise the red flag in the person’s mind and act against our objectives to create rapport because it pushes them farther away. Some people are very good actors and can make themselves come off looking completely genuine when they give compliments and disarm their counterpart, but this is something that most people do not possess.

So What Can I Do?

The same network of gossipers that are used to destroy reputations can also be used to increase your rapport with someone. You see, when someone hears a compliment from you, they don’t often believe it as being genuine because they discount it as mere politeness, or that you are trying to manipulate them somehow. When they hear from a third party that you respect or admire them, they perceive it as being true because it is being told by a neutral party and it creates instant fondness for you because now they perceive you as someone who can meet or increase their level of self-esteem. I liken this to self-promotion versus testimonials. Anyone can go out and bolster about themselves and a few people might believe it, but most don’t. Testimonials from satisfied clients are a powerful marketing tool because people perceive that the business or individual is trustworthy and delivers a good service or product. The same holds true with marketing yourself to another person. Tell a third-party that you respect or admire the person that you like and it will create a positive image for yourself.


Tristan J. Loo is a conflict management expert, certified mediator, negotiator, and founder of Alternative Conflict Resolution Services, based in San Diego County, California. Tristan is a former police officer and author of Street Negotiation--How To Resolve Any Conflict Anytime. Visit his website at http://www.acrsonline.com or email Tristan directly at tristan@acrsonline.com

This article is free for republishing
Tristan J. Loo is the founder of Alternative Conflict Resolution services based in San Diego county, California. Loo is a former police officer and author of Street Negotiation--How To Resolve Any Conflict Anytime. As a certified mediator and conflict management expert, Loo pursues his mission to empower the community to take back their conflict and handle it themselves peacefully through mediation and training. He travels internationally giving his award winning workshop, "Winning Without Fighting."

Contact Loo at tristan@acrsonline.com

 


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 Putting Romance Back Into Your Marriage
 by: Mark McAuley

Let me start by saying I am not a psycholigist or therapist, I am just a guy, who was married for 16 years, until that ended about a year and a half ago. I am now in a new and exciting relationship, which I believe will work out great. I am forty years old and just speaking from experience. Hopefully these tips I give you will spice up your love life again.

Often times in a marriage or long-term relationship, couples tend to fall into a routine. What maybe started out as a very romantic relationship, begins to slow down as bills, children, work and all the pressures of life conspire to give us stress and lead us away from what is really important.

I would venture to guess that most divorces stem from this problem. You see each other As a business partner, parenting partner, chore partner. But not so much as a lover. You have to drive the kids here and there, while your partner is getting the groceries. There is always something to do,and it usually does not include being alone with your partner.

Every once in a while you remember what it was like in the beginning, and think why can’t it be like that again. By the way, both sexes think this, the problem is they only think it, and usually don’t talk about it.

When the kids are small, I know it isn’t as easy to make time for each other, but the most important thing you can do for your marriage is to MAKE time. If that means getting grandma and grandpa to watch the kids overnight, or splurging on a babysitter once a week, it would be the best investment you could make in your marriage.

If you could get away with your partner for a date night once a week, you won’t regret it. Whether going out for dinner, or a movie, or a long walk together, it will bring the two of you closer together. Plus, getting away from the kids is a great stress reliever.

Then when you get back home, still with no kids around, a great way to spice things up in the bedroom, is with lingerie. It may sound cliché, but it really works. Think about it ladies, your partner sees you all week as a mom, housekeeper, breadwinner. The last thing he is thinking of you as, is a bedroom goddess. Believe me, if you come home after a nice night out, and you go upstairs and put on a beautiful piece of lingerie, a nice teddy, or corset, body stocking, or bustier, you’re partner will definitely be put into the mood.

It will make him see you as he used to see you. More than a mom, etc. After all, isn’t that what you want?

But, don’t stop there. A great way to spice things up is to try things you never tried before. That could be something as simple as bringing some food into the mix, you know strawberries, whip cream, things like that. Then, there is always the massage, everybody loves a massage with warm oil. Just the fact you are doing things differently will really help spice things up. We all know that we fall into a routine in the bedroom after a while. The only cure for that is to change things around.

So, hopefully this will help you to get back on the right track. Good luck. Visit my website at: http://www.purplemoose.us/lingerie.html


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