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Walking on egg shells !

by: Dorothy Lafrinere

Walking on egg shells! Has anyone ever told you, that's how they feel around you? If they have, it's a huge red flag and one that should not be ignored. It needs to be dealt with immediately.

Relationships are a tough challenging part of our lives. Especially when dealing with matters of the heart. As truly good as they make you feel, they can in turn tear you apart from the inside in a heartbeat. When the red flags start to rise up, that's when your relationship is crying out for help. You need to address it, as if a baby was crying out to you.

When someone says they feel like they are walking on egg shells, what is that telling you? It's telling you :

that they can no longer be themselves in your presence.
that they fear your reaction whenever they speak.
that they are stuck, that they cannot move in either direction, for fear of upsetting you.
It is also telling you that they need to stop this feeling that is tearing them apart.
Many of us are guilty for causing these prison bars that surround our loved ones.

We do not even realize that our own fears are doing this to them. We are so caught up in ourselves that we are blind to the world that we have created for them.

Through our own fears we hear what they say in all the wrong languages. We interpret them through our weaknesses and turn what they say all upside down.

Some of us react irrationally, forcing our partner to either take cover and hide or even worse become irrational themselves. This is when we both become deaf and blind. When the relationship war begins, there are no winners, only victims. What once was love, kisses and smiles has turned into an ugly vicious battle ground of snarls, hate, and searching for the lowest hit we can aim for. Wow, how does this happen so fast? We as humans are notorious for ruining so many very good things out of pure bad habits.

No one wants to lose or be the one saying, "I am sorry" every five minutes, nor should a real relationship become a win/lose situation either. Who wants to walk on egg shells? Then again, no one wants to have to defend their every breathe to someone they thought loved them unconditionally and are committed to. Walking on egg shells sucks!

If we cannot be ourselves with the one we love, then who can we be that with? This is not to say that a person should disrespect the other. When you know that something troubles the other person or makes them feel truly uncomfortable, it should go without saying that it is just not done. That is true respect. Why would you want to do something to hurt your best friend or even make your loved one feel out of place?

In new relationships it does take time to get things organized as in any new situation. Moving into a new house, a new job, having a baby, or even planning a trip, we have to reorganize to accommodate our now lives. Committing to another person is just the beginning of the book. It is just the title. Now you have to write the story and yes, make a few corrections along the way on both parts, but the trick is to constantly compare each others notes. Remember this: staying on the same page is what your relationship is all about.

When we make a commitment to another person through love, we are taking on a responsibility to share our love and life with that person. We are silently telling them that we are now going to take in consideration their feelings as well as our own.

Your once single-self life has now become a two-self life. This does not mean that you stop breathing and living. It just means that you are now sharing your life with this chosen person. It opens up a whole new world of respect. Remember also that you cannot gain respect if you do not offer respect. Life becomes a definite two-way street when two hearts are involved. There are also two minds working in this relationship now; two minds that are of opposite genders, two minds that will collide now and then. This is not a bad thing. We need to have differences to add spice to our lives.

Be very careful of starting the "Poor Me", habit. This is another relationship red flag to watch for. Remember, walking on egg shells? If one partner becomes so caught up in their own worries and fails to share this with their partner, it will sneak in between you both and begin to build a very strong wall of negative habits. If you have read any of my other articles, you will know these negative habits well, jealousy, mistrust, low self-esteem and total loneliness.

When your partner begins to feel they are slipping away from you, grab on and do not for a minute take that red flag for granted. Listen hard to their worries and love them more, not necessarily better. Just show more of your love. If they keep slipping away, then there is either nothing left to save or they need help outside of your relationship.

It is so important to know your partner. Only then can you realize when they are in trouble. Do not allow your relationship to become the wallpaper in your house. No one wants to be a wallflower. No one with any self-respect that is.

Another great phrase I hear all the time is, "Door Mat syndrome". Oh this is a very bad thing for couples to allow to take hold of their relationship. In many cases one partner has taken hold of it and falls into a control habit. This is something that plagues many relationships. When does one partner become the owner? I will use that word because it shows possession and control. This happens because it can. Some one has allowed this ownership to take place. STOP allowing this, please. A partnership, relationship, commitment, whatever you want to call it, is an EQUAL understanding of respect and love. There are no owners and no bosses. No one is above the other. Man should respect woman and vice-verse. This is a must in order to make a relationship strong enough to not allow negative habits any control.

When there are no negative habits, there is no walking on eggshells. How much more simpler can it get. We are an intelligent species, so let us act intelligent when we decide to commit to another person. This is two lives we are dealing with here, not just another Hollywood movie. We are all going to age and all of us are going to notice our body parts going south. Guess what, no one is above that law. When you have found a true love, and are willing to invest your life with that person, please do not allow material things or negative fantasy ideals to come between you. It really is not worth it.

When you feel unsure of something ,or you feel negative emotions taking control of your mind, reach out to your partner. Don't walk on egg shells. Do not turn it into a war against your partner. Use all of your love to fight the negative relationship habits. Love is worth it. We all have our good and bad days. Some have more than others. So when it's a good day, then make it a really good day. Those are always remembered the longest. Don't walk on egg shells. We have to love ourselves first, then and only then can we love another!

Tell each other often what you saw in each other, what you see now.

Being reminded why we are "The One" helps us to act that way.

-Toni Sciarra Poynter

Dorothy Lafrinere
Owner/Operator
Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com
Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy
Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com
email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com

This article is free for republishing

Dorothy Lafrinere

Owner/Operator/writer

Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com

Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy

Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com

email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com

Hello my name is Dorothy and I thought you might like to know a bit about me! I was born and raised in Canada where I raised 4 great children and ran a business for 23 years. I recently moved to Florida to continue my life and enjoy the tropics. My experiences throughout my life have built my character and made me an independent women. My issues regarding self-esteem have directed me towards creating a wonderful website for all the women in the world! www.WomensSelfesteem.com My goal is to simply put a smile on your face, add a little sunshine to your day, and help you find the strength to deal with your fears and tackle your weaknesses, but most importantly to help you find the goodness that is inside of you, so that you can live a peaceful and happy life.

I have had many questions reguarding why my website is totally free. Well, it isn't actually really free. The payment that I ask for from my members and any women that frequent my site is that they feel better about themselves, and that they use some of that gained strength to help other women who also suffer from self esteem issues that women are faced with in daily life.

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7 Myths About Creating A Better Relationship
by: Cecil McIntosh

In my private practice for over 14 years no matter what my clients have come to see me about, there has always been an issue about a better relationship.

Here are 7 of the most common misconceptions my clients have related to me about having a better relationship. These misconceptions are followed by my perspective on each one of them.

Myth 1 I have to love everything about my partner

Reality Check 1

You were born pure and pristine. You then learnt behaviors from your parents, teacher, coaches, church etc. (who did their best to teach you about a better relationship). These behaviors have become the backbone for your way of living and having a better relationship.

Perhaps a common behavior that irritates having a better relationship would be leaving the toilet seat up after use. This is merely a behavior and not the essence of the person. However, when you may consider this behavior to be the person, this destroys the concept of a better relationship, creating all kinds of conflict in your need for a better relationship.

Myth 2 Love means that I can fix your partner

Reality Check 2

You met your partner because of some special quality or charteristic that you admired. You need to accept and allow that quality to flourish in order to allow you and your partner to grow into a better relationship.

You may be unaware that you do not even like yourself. Yet by allowing your partner to grow and expand, you will experience the quality of your partner and the beauty within you, as you begin to enjoy a better relationship.

Myth 3

I am supposed to give up the things I like in order to be in a better relationship.

Reality Check 3

Giving up the things you like to be in a better relationship is like take a knife and cutting away a part of yourself.

Your better relationship is based on the uniqueness of you and your partner.

When you give up your uniqueness you rob yourself of a better relationship, your passion and your partner of your creativity.

Myth 4 I will be rescued by a knight in shining armour

Reality Check 4

You may have been conditioned to live your life expecting someone to take care of you. What happens if that person becomes ill? and is no longer able to take care of you.

Your responsibility in creating a better relationship, is to bring your passion to the table of your relationship. Some days you will be the knight in shining armour and another day your partner will be the knight in shining armour of a better relationship.

You will each get a chance to shine like star in a better relationship because of your strengths and weaknesses.

Myth 5 It cost a lot to be in a relationship

Reality Check 5

In a material context, a better relationship can be expensive if you think that love is based on the bigger house, car or boat. Although some of these material assets are necessary, they should not be at the expense of creating a better relationship.

Love is creating a better relationship by building a relationship that is based on the simple things in life, like walking and holding hands, going on a picnic (just the two of you), or sharing an ice cream.

Love in a better relationship is not about what you show on the outside but what you express in you heart. Love is not about money or materialism, love just is.

Myth 6 Love in a relationship is or is not a feeling

Reality Check 6

It is not what you say, it is what you do. You can say, "I love you" which may be merely words and no feelings (action). Love is the action of doing.

If you make a cup of tea for yourself, (the water is boiled), make a cup of tea for your partner. Whether your partner wants the tea or not is irrelevant, it is the thought that counts and the action that cements a better relationship.

Myth 7 I don't have to work at my relationship

Reality Check 7

As a child, you learned to creep before you walked. Then you learned the letters of the alphabet. In order to write, you had to learn how to put those letters together to make words and sentences.

These sentences then become the way in which you communicated.

When you and your partner stop communicating after learning how to use the letters of the alphabet in sentences, it's like 2 tape recorders talking to each other - Nobody is at home to enjoy a better relationship.

In summary:

1. Your partner's behavior in a better relationship is not your partner's true essence.

2. There is no need to have a clone of yourself. A better relationship requires some variety.

3. Giving up of your uniqueness to be in a better relationship is like throwing out the baby with the bath water.

4. In a better relationship there are no superior partners, just equal partners.

5. Love in creating a better relationship is not about money and the material assets (although there are important) but the simple things in life.

6. Love in a better relationship is active not passive.

7. Lack of communication crushes your desire for a better relationship.

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