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To Be Loved As To Love

by: Amy Biddle

Ernie Larson, author of "Stage II Recovery" and other works, uses a wonderful metaphor for relationships. If you picture yourself as a telephone pole, he says, and the other person as a telephone pole, you can see your relationship as the line strung between you. You can't hold up both ends by yourself.

I tell you that, because I want to tell you this: There's a lot of wonderful relationship advice to be found in spiritual writings and teachings. But if you try to use it on another person, hoping against hope that s/he will pick up the other end of the telephone line, it won't work.

If you are trying to relate to someone who hits you, cheats on you, ignores you until they want sex, or otherwise uses you in any way, then you are not in a relationship with that person. This relationship advice article does not apply to the two of you. What you have is a trauma bond, and I trust you to seek professional help, if that's what it takes, to extricate yourself.

For those connections with others that can honestly be called relationships, I have gathered some powerful relationship advice in my years of study and practice in conscious spiritual living.

The first thing to know is that there is unlimited love for you in this universe. You'll receive it as soon as you're willing to, and as soon as you quit dictating where you think it should come from and how it should be delivered. Be present to your life, and you'll see love showing up in the most unexpected places.

The second principle of relationship advice is that a relationship cannot be a closed system of two. If it is, it won't be a relationship for long. There needs to be space in any relationship for other friends, family, as well as room for Spirit to work in you and your loved one. Your primary relationship must be with your own concept of Spirit. All other relationships will fall into place.

The last thing I want to offer you will improve your communication skills. It's a copy of the Peace Prayer of St. Francis. No one really knows who wrote it, but this centuries old poem is packed with relationship advice.

Make me an instrument of Thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is discord, harmony;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine!
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born into eternal life.

Practice the principles of this prayer in all of your relationships, and you'll find that your life full of the kind of relationships you really want.

This article is free for republishing

Amy Biddle has been a lifetime student and teacher of spiritual principles. Spiritual Healing Secrets is a fast-growing resource for anyone who wants to improve her or himself, or simply to learn practical spiritual principles. Let Amy help you improve your life! Discover the secrets at http://www.spiritual-healing-secrets.com

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7 Myths About Creating A Better Relationship
by: Cecil McIntosh

In my private practice for over 14 years no matter what my clients have come to see me about, there has always been an issue about a better relationship.

Here are 7 of the most common misconceptions my clients have related to me about having a better relationship. These misconceptions are followed by my perspective on each one of them.

Myth 1 I have to love everything about my partner

Reality Check 1

You were born pure and pristine. You then learnt behaviors from your parents, teacher, coaches, church etc. (who did their best to teach you about a better relationship). These behaviors have become the backbone for your way of living and having a better relationship.

Perhaps a common behavior that irritates having a better relationship would be leaving the toilet seat up after use. This is merely a behavior and not the essence of the person. However, when you may consider this behavior to be the person, this destroys the concept of a better relationship, creating all kinds of conflict in your need for a better relationship.

Myth 2 Love means that I can fix your partner

Reality Check 2

You met your partner because of some special quality or charteristic that you admired. You need to accept and allow that quality to flourish in order to allow you and your partner to grow into a better relationship.

You may be unaware that you do not even like yourself. Yet by allowing your partner to grow and expand, you will experience the quality of your partner and the beauty within you, as you begin to enjoy a better relationship.

Myth 3

I am supposed to give up the things I like in order to be in a better relationship.

Reality Check 3

Giving up the things you like to be in a better relationship is like take a knife and cutting away a part of yourself.

Your better relationship is based on the uniqueness of you and your partner.

When you give up your uniqueness you rob yourself of a better relationship, your passion and your partner of your creativity.

Myth 4 I will be rescued by a knight in shining armour

Reality Check 4

You may have been conditioned to live your life expecting someone to take care of you. What happens if that person becomes ill? and is no longer able to take care of you.

Your responsibility in creating a better relationship, is to bring your passion to the table of your relationship. Some days you will be the knight in shining armour and another day your partner will be the knight in shining armour of a better relationship.

You will each get a chance to shine like star in a better relationship because of your strengths and weaknesses.

Myth 5 It cost a lot to be in a relationship

Reality Check 5

In a material context, a better relationship can be expensive if you think that love is based on the bigger house, car or boat. Although some of these material assets are necessary, they should not be at the expense of creating a better relationship.

Love is creating a better relationship by building a relationship that is based on the simple things in life, like walking and holding hands, going on a picnic (just the two of you), or sharing an ice cream.

Love in a better relationship is not about what you show on the outside but what you express in you heart. Love is not about money or materialism, love just is.

Myth 6 Love in a relationship is or is not a feeling

Reality Check 6

It is not what you say, it is what you do. You can say, "I love you" which may be merely words and no feelings (action). Love is the action of doing.

If you make a cup of tea for yourself, (the water is boiled), make a cup of tea for your partner. Whether your partner wants the tea or not is irrelevant, it is the thought that counts and the action that cements a better relationship.

Myth 7 I don't have to work at my relationship

Reality Check 7

As a child, you learned to creep before you walked. Then you learned the letters of the alphabet. In order to write, you had to learn how to put those letters together to make words and sentences.

These sentences then become the way in which you communicated.

When you and your partner stop communicating after learning how to use the letters of the alphabet in sentences, it's like 2 tape recorders talking to each other - Nobody is at home to enjoy a better relationship.

In summary:

1. Your partner's behavior in a better relationship is not your partner's true essence.

2. There is no need to have a clone of yourself. A better relationship requires some variety.

3. Giving up of your uniqueness to be in a better relationship is like throwing out the baby with the bath water.

4. In a better relationship there are no superior partners, just equal partners.

5. Love in creating a better relationship is not about money and the material assets (although there are important) but the simple things in life.

6. Love in a better relationship is active not passive.

7. Lack of communication crushes your desire for a better relationship.

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