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The Three Stages of Mending a Broken Heart

by: Dorothy Thompson

You�ve been dumped.

Short of throwing yourself off the nearest bridge, you resort to hiding in your bed for days, comforted only by the fact that at least you have a year�s supply of Moonpies by your bedside and your answering machine is on the alert in the hopeful case that your once loved one might call and beg to have you back.

Only, that call never comes and that box of Moonpies? It�s a constant reminder that the emptier it gets, the more bloated you are. But, you don�t care. You wish the earth would open you up and swallow you whole. Sound familiar?

Cases like this happens everyday.

Falling in love has its risks and you�ve just experienced it first hand. You want your life back but don�t know the first thing about how to get out of that black cloud that hovers over you, or even finding the energy to do it.

What do you do?

Acknowledge the fact that you have to go through three different stages during a break-up. Once you realize this, you can chart your progress and see that it�s only a short trip to recovery.

STAGE ONE � The Hurting Stage

Symptoms: This is the hurting stage. It�s where you are now. It�s your heart�s way of telling you that you have just experienced the worse kind of hurt there is. You cry, you�re depressed and you have no idea how you are going to live without him/her. You leave messages on his answering machine and text him to the point where you are becoming psycho. You drive by his house in the wee early morning to see if his vehicle is still at his house or he is � gulp � off with another woman. You drive by where he works and contemplate going in and crying your eyeballs out to let him know this has hurt you beyond repair. You either eat tremendous amounts of comfort food or you don�t eat at all and your health suffers. You cry on your co-worker�s shoulders and hope they can help you get out of this mess. You are, essentially, gone and a hopeless mess.

How to cope: Now more than ever would be a good time to hang out with friends and watch a few comedies, even though you just aren�t up to it. Rekindle family relationships. Talk to older family members about how they met their husbands/wives and how they coped with troubled relationships. Gain insight from them. Try to remember things that brought you happiness. Was it a bike ride through the countryside? A trip to the beach even in the cold of winter just to watch the waves lap against the shore? How about that closet that is in desperate need of rearranging/cleaning/sorting? Now is the time to focus on you.

You have to acknowledge that this is the normal process of grieving a relationship that has died. Nothing can really help at this point because as with the death of a loved one, this is the same feeling. It�s a natural process. Give it time and remember that soon you will enter the second stage.

THE SECOND STAGE � The Getting Even Stage

Symptoms: Remarkably, when your heart begins to heal, your hurt turns to anger. What nerve he/she had to dump me! You vow you�re going to make his/her life a living hell as long as you are alive. You start dating. Only, these are rebounds. Rebound relationships most times happen in this second stage. Some last, but most do not for the simple reason that you will do anything in your power to inflict pain on the one who did it to you.

How to cope: Once you get to this stage, you�re halfway there. Even though anger is not a healthy feeling to have, it is a normal reaction after you�ve gotten over the feeling of hurt. However, instead of going postal and risk the chance you may do something you�ll regret later, take his/her picture and throw darts at it. Burn love letters. Finalize the break-up by getting rid of everything you have of his/hers. But keep in mind that years from now, you�ll wish you did have some kind of remembrance of the relationship because it�s all part of your life history. Whatever you do keep, look at it as a symbol of how well you did cope and can look at the relationship as a learning experience.

STAGE THREE � The Not Giving a Damn Stage

Symptoms: You wake up one morning and ask yourself what you saw in this person in the first place. Nothing he/she does now bothers you. In fact, you are happy he/she has left because you are ready now to form new relationships, new loves.

How to Cope: You are there. When you hit this last stage, you have finally come to the point where you can go on from here and form new relationships. Relationships that aren�t rebound. When you finally get to this last stage, you will become the person you once were � full of happiness, hope and a quest for life.

Once you realize the three stages of a break-up, it helps you to understand the process that is involved. Just as it took time to fall in love, you don�t just fall out of it overnight.

It helps to remember that there will always be a tomorrow and that there is always that second chance to find that special person who is meant to share his/her life with you. Life is full of second, third and even more chances. So, pick up your heart, go through the process to heal and chalk it all up to experience. You�ll be glad you did. In the words of an unknown author, �Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.�

� Dorothy Thompson

About Dorothy Thompson

Author and soul mate expert Dorothy Thompson is one of the nation�s leading authorities on soul mates. Her book "Romancing the Soul" and ebook "How to Find and Keep Your Soul Mate" are one of the most comprehensive guides to explaining what soul mates are really all about. Dorothy�s relationship columns have appeared in publications in the U.S. and abroad and has been quoted in such books as �Mean Girls Grown Up: Adult Women Who Are Still Queen Bees, Middle Bees, and Afraid-to-Bees� by Cheryl Dellasega. She is a popular radio media guest, appearing on such shows as Lifetime Radio, Single Talk (World Talk Radio), Around2It, and Cuzin Eddie Show with Penny Sansevieri and 850 KOA-AM (Clear Channel Radio with listeners in 38 states, Canada and Mexico) and other media outlets.

To receive a FREE special report on �Ten Tips in Identifying Your Soul Mate,� or to learn more about Dorothy's columns or books, visit her personal website at www.dorothythompson.net or her soul mate advice website at www.soulmateadvice.homestead.com. You can also visit her blog at www.soulmateadvice.blogspot.com.

This article is free for republishing

Author and soul mate expert Dorothy Thompson is a one of the nation�s leading authority on soul mates. Her book "Romancing the Soul" and ebook "How to Find and KeepYour Soul Mate" are one of the most comprehensive guides to explaining what soul mates are really all about. Dorothy�s relationship columns have appeared in publications in the U.S. and abroad. She is a popular radio media guest, appearing on such shows as Lifetime Radio, 850 KOA-AM, Cuzin Eddie Show, Single Talk (World Talk Radio) and other radio talk shows.

To receive a FREE special report on �Ten Tips in Identifying Your Soul Mate," sign up for her newsletter by visiting www.soulmateadvice.homestead.com or her personal website at www.dorothythompson.net.

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More Article Pages 1 - 2 - 3

7 Myths About Creating A Better Relationship
by: Cecil McIntosh

In my private practice for over 14 years no matter what my clients have come to see me about, there has always been an issue about a better relationship.

Here are 7 of the most common misconceptions my clients have related to me about having a better relationship. These misconceptions are followed by my perspective on each one of them.

Myth 1 I have to love everything about my partner

Reality Check 1

You were born pure and pristine. You then learnt behaviors from your parents, teacher, coaches, church etc. (who did their best to teach you about a better relationship). These behaviors have become the backbone for your way of living and having a better relationship.

Perhaps a common behavior that irritates having a better relationship would be leaving the toilet seat up after use. This is merely a behavior and not the essence of the person. However, when you may consider this behavior to be the person, this destroys the concept of a better relationship, creating all kinds of conflict in your need for a better relationship.

Myth 2 Love means that I can fix your partner

Reality Check 2

You met your partner because of some special quality or charteristic that you admired. You need to accept and allow that quality to flourish in order to allow you and your partner to grow into a better relationship.

You may be unaware that you do not even like yourself. Yet by allowing your partner to grow and expand, you will experience the quality of your partner and the beauty within you, as you begin to enjoy a better relationship.

Myth 3

I am supposed to give up the things I like in order to be in a better relationship.

Reality Check 3

Giving up the things you like to be in a better relationship is like take a knife and cutting away a part of yourself.

Your better relationship is based on the uniqueness of you and your partner.

When you give up your uniqueness you rob yourself of a better relationship, your passion and your partner of your creativity.

Myth 4 I will be rescued by a knight in shining armour

Reality Check 4

You may have been conditioned to live your life expecting someone to take care of you. What happens if that person becomes ill? and is no longer able to take care of you.

Your responsibility in creating a better relationship, is to bring your passion to the table of your relationship. Some days you will be the knight in shining armour and another day your partner will be the knight in shining armour of a better relationship.

You will each get a chance to shine like star in a better relationship because of your strengths and weaknesses.

Myth 5 It cost a lot to be in a relationship

Reality Check 5

In a material context, a better relationship can be expensive if you think that love is based on the bigger house, car or boat. Although some of these material assets are necessary, they should not be at the expense of creating a better relationship.

Love is creating a better relationship by building a relationship that is based on the simple things in life, like walking and holding hands, going on a picnic (just the two of you), or sharing an ice cream.

Love in a better relationship is not about what you show on the outside but what you express in you heart. Love is not about money or materialism, love just is.

Myth 6 Love in a relationship is or is not a feeling

Reality Check 6

It is not what you say, it is what you do. You can say, "I love you" which may be merely words and no feelings (action). Love is the action of doing.

If you make a cup of tea for yourself, (the water is boiled), make a cup of tea for your partner. Whether your partner wants the tea or not is irrelevant, it is the thought that counts and the action that cements a better relationship.

Myth 7 I don't have to work at my relationship

Reality Check 7

As a child, you learned to creep before you walked. Then you learned the letters of the alphabet. In order to write, you had to learn how to put those letters together to make words and sentences.

These sentences then become the way in which you communicated.

When you and your partner stop communicating after learning how to use the letters of the alphabet in sentences, it's like 2 tape recorders talking to each other - Nobody is at home to enjoy a better relationship.

In summary:

1. Your partner's behavior in a better relationship is not your partner's true essence.

2. There is no need to have a clone of yourself. A better relationship requires some variety.

3. Giving up of your uniqueness to be in a better relationship is like throwing out the baby with the bath water.

4. In a better relationship there are no superior partners, just equal partners.

5. Love in creating a better relationship is not about money and the material assets (although there are important) but the simple things in life.

6. Love in a better relationship is active not passive.

7. Lack of communication crushes your desire for a better relationship.

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