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Ever Wonder What Can Blow Up And Wreck Your Love By Design Relationship?

by: Cucan Pemo Publishing

Not many people know about the hidden power struggles that
can occur in a relationship or marriage. This article is
about a hidden powerstruggle known as rhythms. Every person
has their own unique rhythm whether that is how they eat,
sleep, work, relax, or even think and breathe.

However, in our society, we have been taught to assume to
everyone is alike, or that there is a specific way that
everyone needs to go about their day in order to strive and
be successful. This can cause a powerstruggle in a
relationship in two ways.

1) Each partner will think that the other person has the
same rhythm as them, so if they are not doing things the
same way as them they are either doing things wrong or
intentially trying to resist them.

2) If the partners are trying to copy the other person�s
rhythm, it will be not in their highest and best interest.
They will not be �productive� or be in a healthy lifestyle
for the individual, which leads to powerstruggles anyway.

This article is to bring attention to some of the less well
known types of rhythms in a relationship.
Our first is what I will call a task accomplishment rhythm.
In our work, we teach individuals and couples something
similar called workstyles which are ways how people like to
carry out their work or activities such as Guideline people
who need a basic guideline or structure 24 hours a day or
Employee people who like to go by other peoples rules for a
certain portion of the day, then the rest of the time they
go by their own rules.

For task accomplishment rhythms, I will use Rob, my Life
Partner (who is also the Director/Counsellor for the Life
Management Centre/ LMC Relationship Centre and Co-author of
Love by Design) and myself as an example.

When Rob is accomplishing tasks throughout his day, he likes
to do a whole bunch of tasks, one after the other, nonstop
without any breaks. Then stop for the day. I on the other
hand, although having an Employee Workstyle, while I am
actually working for or with the other person, like to work
for a while, take a break, work for a while, take a break
etc. In the beginning of our relationship, there was an
unconscious powerstruggle, mostly felt by me because I
couldn�t keep up the same momentum as Rob, especially if we
had been out shopping or in public, I would have to have
rest and recoup before I could charge into the next task at
hand. I would get really tired and uncomfortable, and Rob
would feel my resistance.

That didn�t last for long though, as soon as I recognized
that my rhythm was different than Rob�s, I brought it to his
attention. I accepted that my rhythm is different than his
and he has incorporated my rhythm into his schedule, so I
can rest in peace, and then join him again in our tasks. The
good news is that I was just as productive as Rob, as long
as I kept true to myself and my rhythm.

Another example of a rhythm is that people have different
speech patterns, speed and rhythms. Rob had a couple come in
to see him once, were the couple was having a communication
problem.

The wife talked a mile a minute; the husband talked very
slowly and paused a lot when talking. The wife often cut him
off, between pauses, the husband often feeling offended by
being interrupted all the time and the wife always felt like
they weren�t getting anywhere in their communication. Would
you believe the powerstruggle was there simply because they
weren�t aware that they had different speaking rhythms? As
soon as Rob pointed this out to them, and taught them how to
understand, appreciate and not be in nonresistance to their
rhythm their communication greatly improved. The wife,
especially learned to be aware of the husband�s pause, and
that the pause didn�t mean he was finished talking.

There are many other types of rhythms out there that will be
unique to you and to you partner. Your assignment, if you
choose to accept it, is to be aware of your feelings. If you
ever feel like you are in resistance to your partner, such
as feeling angry, a drop of energy or the need to dig your
heels in, be on the �look out� and �feel out� for a
potential rhythm that may be different.

Next, bring you partner into awareness, then accept, and
appreciate both your partner�s and your own unique rhythms.
With acceptance, nonresistance and being authentic, you will
find that not only will the resistance fade away, both of
your fill be at you fullest, and highest and best capacity
in all areas of your lives.

....................................
Get Instant FREE Access to SPECIAL REPORTS By Melody Chase
at http://www.FamilyAndRelatinships.com today! Find out if HE or SHE is the right mate for you at http://www.LoveByDesignBook.com

About The Author:
Melody Chase is the co-author of "The Ultimate Love By Design Relationship -
Find Out If HE or SHE Is The One For You!". She is a professional counsellor and
writer who has helped thousands of individuals and couples find and attract true
love at the relationship centre run by herself and her husband Dr Robby Bilton.
Get instant FREE access to SPECIAL REPORTS By Melody Chase at
http://www.LoveByDesignBook.com today!

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More Article Pages 1 - 2 - 3

7 Myths About Creating A Better Relationship
by: Cecil McIntosh

In my private practice for over 14 years no matter what my clients have come to see me about, there has always been an issue about a better relationship.

Here are 7 of the most common misconceptions my clients have related to me about having a better relationship. These misconceptions are followed by my perspective on each one of them.

Myth 1 I have to love everything about my partner

Reality Check 1

You were born pure and pristine. You then learnt behaviors from your parents, teacher, coaches, church etc. (who did their best to teach you about a better relationship). These behaviors have become the backbone for your way of living and having a better relationship.

Perhaps a common behavior that irritates having a better relationship would be leaving the toilet seat up after use. This is merely a behavior and not the essence of the person. However, when you may consider this behavior to be the person, this destroys the concept of a better relationship, creating all kinds of conflict in your need for a better relationship.

Myth 2 Love means that I can fix your partner

Reality Check 2

You met your partner because of some special quality or charteristic that you admired. You need to accept and allow that quality to flourish in order to allow you and your partner to grow into a better relationship.

You may be unaware that you do not even like yourself. Yet by allowing your partner to grow and expand, you will experience the quality of your partner and the beauty within you, as you begin to enjoy a better relationship.

Myth 3

I am supposed to give up the things I like in order to be in a better relationship.

Reality Check 3

Giving up the things you like to be in a better relationship is like take a knife and cutting away a part of yourself.

Your better relationship is based on the uniqueness of you and your partner.

When you give up your uniqueness you rob yourself of a better relationship, your passion and your partner of your creativity.

Myth 4 I will be rescued by a knight in shining armour

Reality Check 4

You may have been conditioned to live your life expecting someone to take care of you. What happens if that person becomes ill? and is no longer able to take care of you.

Your responsibility in creating a better relationship, is to bring your passion to the table of your relationship. Some days you will be the knight in shining armour and another day your partner will be the knight in shining armour of a better relationship.

You will each get a chance to shine like star in a better relationship because of your strengths and weaknesses.

Myth 5 It cost a lot to be in a relationship

Reality Check 5

In a material context, a better relationship can be expensive if you think that love is based on the bigger house, car or boat. Although some of these material assets are necessary, they should not be at the expense of creating a better relationship.

Love is creating a better relationship by building a relationship that is based on the simple things in life, like walking and holding hands, going on a picnic (just the two of you), or sharing an ice cream.

Love in a better relationship is not about what you show on the outside but what you express in you heart. Love is not about money or materialism, love just is.

Myth 6 Love in a relationship is or is not a feeling

Reality Check 6

It is not what you say, it is what you do. You can say, "I love you" which may be merely words and no feelings (action). Love is the action of doing.

If you make a cup of tea for yourself, (the water is boiled), make a cup of tea for your partner. Whether your partner wants the tea or not is irrelevant, it is the thought that counts and the action that cements a better relationship.

Myth 7 I don't have to work at my relationship

Reality Check 7

As a child, you learned to creep before you walked. Then you learned the letters of the alphabet. In order to write, you had to learn how to put those letters together to make words and sentences.

These sentences then become the way in which you communicated.

When you and your partner stop communicating after learning how to use the letters of the alphabet in sentences, it's like 2 tape recorders talking to each other - Nobody is at home to enjoy a better relationship.

In summary:

1. Your partner's behavior in a better relationship is not your partner's true essence.

2. There is no need to have a clone of yourself. A better relationship requires some variety.

3. Giving up of your uniqueness to be in a better relationship is like throwing out the baby with the bath water.

4. In a better relationship there are no superior partners, just equal partners.

5. Love in creating a better relationship is not about money and the material assets (although there are important) but the simple things in life.

6. Love in a better relationship is active not passive.

7. Lack of communication crushes your desire for a better relationship.

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