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Walking on egg shells !

by: Dorothy Lafrinere

Walking on egg shells! Has anyone ever told you, that's how they feel around you? If they have, it's a huge red flag and one that should not be ignored. It needs to be dealt with immediately.

Relationships are a tough challenging part of our lives. Especially when dealing with matters of the heart. As truly good as they make you feel, they can in turn tear you apart from the inside in a heartbeat. When the red flags start to rise up, that's when your relationship is crying out for help. You need to address it, as if a baby was crying out to you.

When someone says they feel like they are walking on egg shells, what is that telling you? It's telling you :

that they can no longer be themselves in your presence.
that they fear your reaction whenever they speak.
that they are stuck, that they cannot move in either direction, for fear of upsetting you.
It is also telling you that they need to stop this feeling that is tearing them apart.
Many of us are guilty for causing these prison bars that surround our loved ones.

We do not even realize that our own fears are doing this to them. We are so caught up in ourselves that we are blind to the world that we have created for them.

Through our own fears we hear what they say in all the wrong languages. We interpret them through our weaknesses and turn what they say all upside down.

Some of us react irrationally, forcing our partner to either take cover and hide or even worse become irrational themselves. This is when we both become deaf and blind. When the relationship war begins, there are no winners, only victims. What once was love, kisses and smiles has turned into an ugly vicious battle ground of snarls, hate, and searching for the lowest hit we can aim for. Wow, how does this happen so fast? We as humans are notorious for ruining so many very good things out of pure bad habits.

No one wants to lose or be the one saying, "I am sorry" every five minutes, nor should a real relationship become a win/lose situation either. Who wants to walk on egg shells? Then again, no one wants to have to defend their every breathe to someone they thought loved them unconditionally and are committed to. Walking on egg shells sucks!

If we cannot be ourselves with the one we love, then who can we be that with? This is not to say that a person should disrespect the other. When you know that something troubles the other person or makes them feel truly uncomfortable, it should go without saying that it is just not done. That is true respect. Why would you want to do something to hurt your best friend or even make your loved one feel out of place?

In new relationships it does take time to get things organized as in any new situation. Moving into a new house, a new job, having a baby, or even planning a trip, we have to reorganize to accommodate our now lives. Committing to another person is just the beginning of the book. It is just the title. Now you have to write the story and yes, make a few corrections along the way on both parts, but the trick is to constantly compare each others notes. Remember this: staying on the same page is what your relationship is all about.

When we make a commitment to another person through love, we are taking on a responsibility to share our love and life with that person. We are silently telling them that we are now going to take in consideration their feelings as well as our own.

Your once single-self life has now become a two-self life. This does not mean that you stop breathing and living. It just means that you are now sharing your life with this chosen person. It opens up a whole new world of respect. Remember also that you cannot gain respect if you do not offer respect. Life becomes a definite two-way street when two hearts are involved. There are also two minds working in this relationship now; two minds that are of opposite genders, two minds that will collide now and then. This is not a bad thing. We need to have differences to add spice to our lives.

Be very careful of starting the "Poor Me", habit. This is another relationship red flag to watch for. Remember, walking on egg shells? If one partner becomes so caught up in their own worries and fails to share this with their partner, it will sneak in between you both and begin to build a very strong wall of negative habits. If you have read any of my other articles, you will know these negative habits well, jealousy, mistrust, low self-esteem and total loneliness.

When your partner begins to feel they are slipping away from you, grab on and do not for a minute take that red flag for granted. Listen hard to their worries and love them more, not necessarily better. Just show more of your love. If they keep slipping away, then there is either nothing left to save or they need help outside of your relationship.

It is so important to know your partner. Only then can you realize when they are in trouble. Do not allow your relationship to become the wallpaper in your house. No one wants to be a wallflower. No one with any self-respect that is.

Another great phrase I hear all the time is, "Door Mat syndrome". Oh this is a very bad thing for couples to allow to take hold of their relationship. In many cases one partner has taken hold of it and falls into a control habit. This is something that plagues many relationships. When does one partner become the owner? I will use that word because it shows possession and control. This happens because it can. Some one has allowed this ownership to take place. STOP allowing this, please. A partnership, relationship, commitment, whatever you want to call it, is an EQUAL understanding of respect and love. There are no owners and no bosses. No one is above the other. Man should respect woman and vice-verse. This is a must in order to make a relationship strong enough to not allow negative habits any control.

When there are no negative habits, there is no walking on eggshells. How much more simpler can it get. We are an intelligent species, so let us act intelligent when we decide to commit to another person. This is two lives we are dealing with here, not just another Hollywood movie. We are all going to age and all of us are going to notice our body parts going south. Guess what, no one is above that law. When you have found a true love, and are willing to invest your life with that person, please do not allow material things or negative fantasy ideals to come between you. It really is not worth it.

When you feel unsure of something ,or you feel negative emotions taking control of your mind, reach out to your partner. Don't walk on egg shells. Do not turn it into a war against your partner. Use all of your love to fight the negative relationship habits. Love is worth it. We all have our good and bad days. Some have more than others. So when it's a good day, then make it a really good day. Those are always remembered the longest. Don't walk on egg shells. We have to love ourselves first, then and only then can we love another!

Tell each other often what you saw in each other, what you see now.

Being reminded why we are "The One" helps us to act that way.

-Toni Sciarra Poynter

Dorothy Lafrinere
Owner/Operator
Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com
Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy
Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com
email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com

This article is free for republishing

Dorothy Lafrinere

Owner/Operator/writer

Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com

Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy

Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com

email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com

Hello my name is Dorothy and I thought you might like to know a bit about me! I was born and raised in Canada where I raised 4 great children and ran a business for 23 years. I recently moved to Florida to continue my life and enjoy the tropics. My experiences throughout my life have built my character and made me an independent women. My issues regarding self-esteem have directed me towards creating a wonderful website for all the women in the world! www.WomensSelfesteem.com My goal is to simply put a smile on your face, add a little sunshine to your day, and help you find the strength to deal with your fears and tackle your weaknesses, but most importantly to help you find the goodness that is inside of you, so that you can live a peaceful and happy life.

I have had many questions reguarding why my website is totally free. Well, it isn't actually really free. The payment that I ask for from my members and any women that frequent my site is that they feel better about themselves, and that they use some of that gained strength to help other women who also suffer from self esteem issues that women are faced with in daily life.

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The Power of Love - Dating Smart
by: Jill Dellamalva

You don�t need to depend on fate to bring �The One� to your doorstep. You might have to wait a very long time.

You don�t have to be the prettiest girl or the most handsome guy to be a successful dater. You don�t need a huge bank account. You don�t have to drive a new sports car, live in a large home, have the best sense of humor, or the most confidence. These things are all desirable; but chances are, they won�t keep the target of your affection around forever.

So what is it that you need to get and keep your love around? The answer is simple.

Power.

Many people looking for relationships are searching for someone to complete them, to fill in what is lacking in their own lives. A smart dater pays attention to detail, determines what it is that the other person is lacking, and ultimately provides it. A smart dater knows that when you are a source of something another person needs to be happy, you have power over them.

The first step to achieving power and becoming a smart dater is assessing the personality of the person you want to be with. You must zone in on the characteristic that defines the person most. Then, use your observations about their personality to determine what the person needs in his or her life to be happy. Finally, provide it.

Take, for example, the aggressive personality. If you�re in love with The Aggressor, you know that he or she isn�t a bit shy. The Aggressor knows what he or she is after, and thrives on the challenge of attaining it. Love with The Aggressor can be compared to a sport, and The Aggressor is looking to win. Like in any sport, an easy victory can be quite boring and quick. Your task is to give the Aggressor a challenge. Do not let your heart be an easy win. If you do, the Aggressor will simply move on to the next person. When the Aggressor leaves you a voice mail to call them back, forget to call. When the Aggressor asks you out for a date, once in a while tell them that you are too busy. Be moody, selfish, and difficult from time to time. Now, don�t be completely mean � remember, you must give kindness and affection to The Aggressor as much as you take it away. This will drive The Aggressor insane, and cause him or her to lose focus of the game. In no time, you�ll be holding the trophy.

Perhaps your love interest is not The Aggressor. Perhaps he or she is reserved and shy. This personality type tends to be innocent, and maybe lacking in solid relationship experience. You job, then, is to initiate The Quiet One into the realm of relationships and dating. Give The Quiet One something to get excited about. Shower The Quiet One with frivolous gifts and attention. Approach The Quiet One with zest, energy, and an ultra-positive attitude about life. Essentially, bring The Quiet One out of his or her shell, making them feel comfortable with you. In return, The Quiet One will become almost dependant on you for fun, activity, and love.

There are a myriad of personality types you will find out in the world. Another is The Snob. This person needs an average Joe or Jane to bring them down to earth. They won�t want to stoop to the level of giving you a second look � but be persistent. The Snob�s affection is earned. The more affection you give, the more flattered The Snob will become. This is because The Snob, by trait, likes to be given things. Instead of spoiling the Snob with things he or she already has, provide something unique. Cook The Snob romantic dinners at home, and skip the fancy restaurants. Pick the female Snob wildflowers instead of buying traditional roses. The Snob can then brag to other Snobs that he or she has someone �different� than everyone else. And as you know, Snobs always like to have what everyone else doesn�t.

There is also The Soap Opera Star. If you have the saintly qualities needed to love The Soap Opera Star, more power to you. This person eats, sleeps, and breathes drama. Take the normal ups and downs in life, and multiply them by 1000. Such is the life of The Soap Opera Star. The Soap Opera Star misplaces his golf club, and everything that happens from that point on in the day is absolutely ruined. Don�t be surprised if The Soap Opera Star takes his or her troubles out on you. If you desire to love this gem, patience, understanding (even if you must pretend) and the ability to console are qualities you have to put forth. The Soap Opera Star will end up completely in love with you. If you decide to leave The Soap Opera Star, he or she will stalk you.

Another popular personality is The Complainer. Everything annoys The Complainer. You can tell The Complainer that he or she looks nice today, and they will respond with a very serious, �Why do you have to lie to me? I gained 5 pounds in the last week, my pants look too short, and I�m having a bad hair day. I definitely know I can�t trust you to tell me the truth.� If you truly love The Complainer, you will never take their words to heart. You will also keep providing them with more topics to complain about, like a drug supply to an addict. Bring up topics that you know they love to moan about. They, in turn, will provide you with hours of one-on-one conversation. You�d better have a good ear to listen, and be able to support them in their outlandish claims. Don�t expect to do too much talking yourself. The Complainer will love you to death. Literally.

All in all, no matter what type of person you are trying to win over, you can do it with a little bit of common sense and consideration. Think your way through the situation. That�s all it takes. The power of love is in your hands.

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