Trust is something we learn as very small babies. We trust the first person that we bond with and it grows from there. Have you ever noticed how cool kids are? They trust every little thing we say. They rarely question us when we tell them something.
Believing our every word; and why not? They have not been exposed to mistrust yet, not that they would recognize it at such an early age.
Then they get older and come in contact with other children. This is when relationships begin., seperate from the familiar family relationships that they have grown to know as "normal". They begin to compare lifestyles with their friends and for some, this is when the first mistrust begins. They find out that it is not normal to be touched by people in their private parts. They find out that it is not normal to be beaten for doing something wrong. They find out that it is not normal to not be fed for a day or even two. They find that it is not normal to watch their dad hit their mom. They find lies, which gives birth to MISTRUST. Their lives turn an entire chapter at that point. They grow up somehow; suffering through the pain and loneliness of living with mistrust. For some they rise above it and use it as a learning tool. For others they become it; mistrusting everyone and everything. A small number of those people seek help and spend many hours and a great deal of energy trying to conquer it.
Then we have our jobs, we trust immediately anyone that has been there longer or that comes off as knowing more than us. We trust our bosses and our co-workers.
It is natural to trust as if we were babies all over again. With any new venture we yearn to trust.
When we first fall in love; What is that saying, "Love is Blind"? Ha! Now that's funny, because it really is blind. We trust so instantly and genuinely that we potentially set ourselves up for the biggest fall in our lives. Why is that? Is it because we are so driven by nature to want to trust someone? Or is trusting someone just a happier, easier, way of life.
Once a trust is breached, it creates a scar that has it's own heart and never goes away. We just learn to ignore its beat. We try to reorganize our minds and put it on the farthest burner we have. Some of us can do just that, while others cannot. For them life is not so easy. They find themselves thinking, should I trust or not? It's like they have to find proof and reason to trust, because their minds already mistrust. This is similar to the term "Guilty until proven innocent". For anyone out there that can relate to that, and I am sure there are many of you that do just that, life is hell.
If, lets say we love someone and they tell us one thing, and we keep getting mixed signals that stir up our mistrust thoughts, where do we go with that? Books tell us, that we are to trust the ones we love and that's it. And then, if our trust gets breached, and only then, can we be accurate with our mistrust. "Blah" I say! Oh and we're also told at the same time to trust our gut feelings. OK, I admit confusion here. I know this subject is really going to cut like a knife for some people and I will apologize now, but we have to deal with the reality of our lives. How else are we going to tackle our insecurities and get stronger. Our goal is to have a somewhat happy life. One that we can talk about to our grandchildren. We have to open our eyes and know what is going on in our wolds. If your relationship has had a breach of trust or if you have experienced mistrust earlier in your lives, then you already have a reason to feel insecure. Now that you know that, you can start to build up on that. Now you need to identify the exact core of it and toss it. Its old news and its over.
Start a whole new life as if being born again (for lack of a better phrase). I hear you already saying, "Easier said than done". I totally agree, but how many times have I said, "Anything worth having , does not come easy"? The answer is MANY. Life is not easy. We have to earned all our happiness. I have noticed, and I am guilty of this myself, that we are waiting for our lives to be happy. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about happiness and if I have realized anything at all, its that happiness is in you and your thinking and how you deal with every little thing. To Trust or not to Trust is in our control. If we choose not to trust, we open the door to all sorts of evil demons, such as jealousy, low self-esteem, anxiety, envy, selfishness, self-torture, worry, loneliness and just plain unhappiness. So when we feel that , "Trust or not trust" debate lurking in our minds, choose to not allow your mind to go that direction. Tell yourself, that you are an intelligent person and you know what is right and what is wrong right now. It'is now that you are living, not then, or the past. We are very good at deciding what we want to eat, right? Or where we want to vacation and spend tons of our hard earned money. So then why is it so hard for us to just change our train of thought? Let me tell you..HABITS!
Bad habits, and for any of you that have read my HABITS blog, then you know what I mean. So go back and read it again and again. I believe that if one really wants to change something, it CAN be changed. "Let your thoughts determine your goals and your goals determine your destiny" (something like that). We are all destined to be happy. We just have to focus on our goals.
Feeling mistrust definitely has been caused by something in our lives. We may never figure it out and some of us have already figured their reasons out. But for whatever the reason, it is a negative emotion and one we can surely do without. Work on it, then work on more trust and more love. When we can trust, love comes naturally and that always invites happiness. So there you have it! I have given you the steps; it is your responsibility to you to climb them.
Hello my name is Dorothy and I thought you might like to know a bit about me! I was born and raised in Canada where I raised 4 great children and ran a business for 23 years. I recently moved to Florida to continue my life and enjoy the tropics. My experiences throughout my life have built my character and made me an independent women. My issues regarding self-esteem have directed me towards creating a wonderful website for all the women in the world! www.WomensSelfesteem.com My goal is to simply put a smile on your face, add a little sunshine to your day, and help you find the strength to deal with your fears and tackle your weaknesses, but most importantly to help you find the goodness that is inside of you, so that you can live a peaceful and happy life.
I have had many questions reguarding why my website is totally free. Well, it isn't actually really free. The payment that I ask for from my members and any women that frequent my site is that they feel better about themselves, and that they use some of that gained strength to help other women who also suffer from self esteem issues that women are faced with in daily life.
The Power of Love -
Dating Smart
by: Jill Dellamalva
You don’t need to depend on fate to bring “The One” to your doorstep.
You might have to wait a very long time.
You don’t have to be the prettiest girl or the most handsome guy to be
a successful dater. You don’t need a huge bank account. You don’t have to
drive a new sports car, live in a large home, have the best sense of
humor, or the most confidence. These things are all desirable; but chances
are, they won’t keep the target of your affection around forever.
So what is it that you need to get and keep your love around? The
answer is simple.
Power.
Many people looking for relationships are searching for someone to
complete them, to fill in what is lacking in their own lives. A smart
dater pays attention to detail, determines what it is that the other
person is lacking, and ultimately provides it. A smart dater knows that
when you are a source of something another person needs to be happy, you
have power over them.
The first step to achieving power and becoming a smart dater is
assessing the personality of the person you want to be with. You must zone
in on the characteristic that defines the person most. Then, use your
observations about their personality to determine what the person needs in
his or her life to be happy. Finally, provide it.
Take, for example, the aggressive personality. If you’re in love with
The Aggressor, you know that he or she isn’t a bit shy. The Aggressor
knows what he or she is after, and thrives on the challenge of attaining
it. Love with The Aggressor can be compared to a sport, and The Aggressor
is looking to win. Like in any sport, an easy victory can be quite boring
and quick. Your task is to give the Aggressor a challenge. Do not let your
heart be an easy win. If you do, the Aggressor will simply move on to the
next person. When the Aggressor leaves you a voice mail to call them back,
forget to call. When the Aggressor asks you out for a date, once in a
while tell them that you are too busy. Be moody, selfish, and difficult
from time to time. Now, don’t be completely mean – remember, you must give
kindness and affection to The Aggressor as much as you take it away. This
will drive The Aggressor insane, and cause him or her to lose focus of the
game. In no time, you’ll be holding the trophy.
Perhaps your love interest is not The Aggressor. Perhaps he or she is
reserved and shy. This personality type tends to be innocent, and maybe
lacking in solid relationship experience. You job, then, is to initiate
The Quiet One into the realm of relationships and dating. Give The Quiet
One something to get excited about. Shower The Quiet One with frivolous
gifts and attention. Approach The Quiet One with zest, energy, and an
ultra-positive attitude about life. Essentially, bring The Quiet One out
of his or her shell, making them feel comfortable with you. In return, The
Quiet One will become almost dependant on you for fun, activity, and love.
There are a myriad of personality types you will find out in the world.
Another is The Snob. This person needs an average Joe or Jane to bring
them down to earth. They won’t want to stoop to the level of giving you a
second look – but be persistent. The Snob’s affection is earned. The more
affection you give, the more flattered The Snob will become. This is
because The Snob, by trait, likes to be given things. Instead of spoiling
the Snob with things he or she already has, provide something unique. Cook
The Snob romantic dinners at home, and skip the fancy restaurants. Pick
the female Snob wildflowers instead of buying traditional roses. The Snob
can then brag to other Snobs that he or she has someone “different” than
everyone else. And as you know, Snobs always like to have what everyone
else doesn’t.
There is also The Soap Opera Star. If you have the saintly qualities
needed to love The Soap Opera Star, more power to you. This person eats,
sleeps, and breathes drama. Take the normal ups and downs in life, and
multiply them by 1000. Such is the life of The Soap Opera Star. The Soap
Opera Star misplaces his golf club, and everything that happens from that
point on in the day is absolutely ruined. Don’t be surprised if The Soap
Opera Star takes his or her troubles out on you. If you desire to love
this gem, patience, understanding (even if you must pretend) and the
ability to console are qualities you have to put forth. The Soap Opera
Star will end up completely in love with you. If you decide to leave The
Soap Opera Star, he or she will stalk you.
Another popular personality is The Complainer. Everything annoys The
Complainer. You can tell The Complainer that he or she looks nice today,
and they will respond with a very serious, “Why do you have to lie to me?
I gained 5 pounds in the last week, my pants look too short, and I’m
having a bad hair day. I definitely know I can’t trust you to tell me the
truth.” If you truly love The Complainer, you will never take their words
to heart. You will also keep providing them with more topics to complain
about, like a drug supply to an addict. Bring up topics that you know they
love to moan about. They, in turn, will provide you with hours of
one-on-one conversation. You’d better have a good ear to listen, and be
able to support them in their outlandish claims. Don’t expect to do too
much talking yourself. The Complainer will love you to death. Literally.
All in all, no matter what type of person you are trying to win over,
you can do it with a little bit of common sense and consideration. Think
your way through the situation. That’s all it takes. The power of love is
in your hands.
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