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The Three Stages of Mending a Broken Heart

by: Dorothy Thompson

You�ve been dumped.

Short of throwing yourself off the nearest bridge, you resort to hiding in your bed for days, comforted only by the fact that at least you have a year�s supply of Moonpies by your bedside and your answering machine is on the alert in the hopeful case that your once loved one might call and beg to have you back.

Only, that call never comes and that box of Moonpies? It�s a constant reminder that the emptier it gets, the more bloated you are. But, you don�t care. You wish the earth would open you up and swallow you whole. Sound familiar?

Cases like this happens everyday.

Falling in love has its risks and you�ve just experienced it first hand. You want your life back but don�t know the first thing about how to get out of that black cloud that hovers over you, or even finding the energy to do it.

What do you do?

Acknowledge the fact that you have to go through three different stages during a break-up. Once you realize this, you can chart your progress and see that it�s only a short trip to recovery.

STAGE ONE � The Hurting Stage

Symptoms: This is the hurting stage. It�s where you are now. It�s your heart�s way of telling you that you have just experienced the worse kind of hurt there is. You cry, you�re depressed and you have no idea how you are going to live without him/her. You leave messages on his answering machine and text him to the point where you are becoming psycho. You drive by his house in the wee early morning to see if his vehicle is still at his house or he is � gulp � off with another woman. You drive by where he works and contemplate going in and crying your eyeballs out to let him know this has hurt you beyond repair. You either eat tremendous amounts of comfort food or you don�t eat at all and your health suffers. You cry on your co-worker�s shoulders and hope they can help you get out of this mess. You are, essentially, gone and a hopeless mess.

How to cope: Now more than ever would be a good time to hang out with friends and watch a few comedies, even though you just aren�t up to it. Rekindle family relationships. Talk to older family members about how they met their husbands/wives and how they coped with troubled relationships. Gain insight from them. Try to remember things that brought you happiness. Was it a bike ride through the countryside? A trip to the beach even in the cold of winter just to watch the waves lap against the shore? How about that closet that is in desperate need of rearranging/cleaning/sorting? Now is the time to focus on you.

You have to acknowledge that this is the normal process of grieving a relationship that has died. Nothing can really help at this point because as with the death of a loved one, this is the same feeling. It�s a natural process. Give it time and remember that soon you will enter the second stage.

THE SECOND STAGE � The Getting Even Stage

Symptoms: Remarkably, when your heart begins to heal, your hurt turns to anger. What nerve he/she had to dump me! You vow you�re going to make his/her life a living hell as long as you are alive. You start dating. Only, these are rebounds. Rebound relationships most times happen in this second stage. Some last, but most do not for the simple reason that you will do anything in your power to inflict pain on the one who did it to you.

How to cope: Once you get to this stage, you�re halfway there. Even though anger is not a healthy feeling to have, it is a normal reaction after you�ve gotten over the feeling of hurt. However, instead of going postal and risk the chance you may do something you�ll regret later, take his/her picture and throw darts at it. Burn love letters. Finalize the break-up by getting rid of everything you have of his/hers. But keep in mind that years from now, you�ll wish you did have some kind of remembrance of the relationship because it�s all part of your life history. Whatever you do keep, look at it as a symbol of how well you did cope and can look at the relationship as a learning experience.

STAGE THREE � The Not Giving a Damn Stage

Symptoms: You wake up one morning and ask yourself what you saw in this person in the first place. Nothing he/she does now bothers you. In fact, you are happy he/she has left because you are ready now to form new relationships, new loves.

How to Cope: You are there. When you hit this last stage, you have finally come to the point where you can go on from here and form new relationships. Relationships that aren�t rebound. When you finally get to this last stage, you will become the person you once were � full of happiness, hope and a quest for life.

Once you realize the three stages of a break-up, it helps you to understand the process that is involved. Just as it took time to fall in love, you don�t just fall out of it overnight.

It helps to remember that there will always be a tomorrow and that there is always that second chance to find that special person who is meant to share his/her life with you. Life is full of second, third and even more chances. So, pick up your heart, go through the process to heal and chalk it all up to experience. You�ll be glad you did. In the words of an unknown author, �Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.�

� Dorothy Thompson

About Dorothy Thompson

Author and soul mate expert Dorothy Thompson is one of the nation�s leading authorities on soul mates. Her book "Romancing the Soul" and ebook "How to Find and Keep Your Soul Mate" are one of the most comprehensive guides to explaining what soul mates are really all about. Dorothy�s relationship columns have appeared in publications in the U.S. and abroad and has been quoted in such books as �Mean Girls Grown Up: Adult Women Who Are Still Queen Bees, Middle Bees, and Afraid-to-Bees� by Cheryl Dellasega. She is a popular radio media guest, appearing on such shows as Lifetime Radio, Single Talk (World Talk Radio), Around2It, and Cuzin Eddie Show with Penny Sansevieri and 850 KOA-AM (Clear Channel Radio with listeners in 38 states, Canada and Mexico) and other media outlets.

To receive a FREE special report on �Ten Tips in Identifying Your Soul Mate,� or to learn more about Dorothy's columns or books, visit her personal website at www.dorothythompson.net or her soul mate advice website at www.soulmateadvice.homestead.com. You can also visit her blog at www.soulmateadvice.blogspot.com.

This article is free for republishing

Author and soul mate expert Dorothy Thompson is a one of the nation�s leading authority on soul mates. Her book "Romancing the Soul" and ebook "How to Find and KeepYour Soul Mate" are one of the most comprehensive guides to explaining what soul mates are really all about. Dorothy�s relationship columns have appeared in publications in the U.S. and abroad. She is a popular radio media guest, appearing on such shows as Lifetime Radio, 850 KOA-AM, Cuzin Eddie Show, Single Talk (World Talk Radio) and other radio talk shows.

To receive a FREE special report on �Ten Tips in Identifying Your Soul Mate," sign up for her newsletter by visiting www.soulmateadvice.homestead.com or her personal website at www.dorothythompson.net.

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The Power of Love - Dating Smart
by: Jill Dellamalva

You don�t need to depend on fate to bring �The One� to your doorstep. You might have to wait a very long time.

You don�t have to be the prettiest girl or the most handsome guy to be a successful dater. You don�t need a huge bank account. You don�t have to drive a new sports car, live in a large home, have the best sense of humor, or the most confidence. These things are all desirable; but chances are, they won�t keep the target of your affection around forever.

So what is it that you need to get and keep your love around? The answer is simple.

Power.

Many people looking for relationships are searching for someone to complete them, to fill in what is lacking in their own lives. A smart dater pays attention to detail, determines what it is that the other person is lacking, and ultimately provides it. A smart dater knows that when you are a source of something another person needs to be happy, you have power over them.

The first step to achieving power and becoming a smart dater is assessing the personality of the person you want to be with. You must zone in on the characteristic that defines the person most. Then, use your observations about their personality to determine what the person needs in his or her life to be happy. Finally, provide it.

Take, for example, the aggressive personality. If you�re in love with The Aggressor, you know that he or she isn�t a bit shy. The Aggressor knows what he or she is after, and thrives on the challenge of attaining it. Love with The Aggressor can be compared to a sport, and The Aggressor is looking to win. Like in any sport, an easy victory can be quite boring and quick. Your task is to give the Aggressor a challenge. Do not let your heart be an easy win. If you do, the Aggressor will simply move on to the next person. When the Aggressor leaves you a voice mail to call them back, forget to call. When the Aggressor asks you out for a date, once in a while tell them that you are too busy. Be moody, selfish, and difficult from time to time. Now, don�t be completely mean � remember, you must give kindness and affection to The Aggressor as much as you take it away. This will drive The Aggressor insane, and cause him or her to lose focus of the game. In no time, you�ll be holding the trophy.

Perhaps your love interest is not The Aggressor. Perhaps he or she is reserved and shy. This personality type tends to be innocent, and maybe lacking in solid relationship experience. You job, then, is to initiate The Quiet One into the realm of relationships and dating. Give The Quiet One something to get excited about. Shower The Quiet One with frivolous gifts and attention. Approach The Quiet One with zest, energy, and an ultra-positive attitude about life. Essentially, bring The Quiet One out of his or her shell, making them feel comfortable with you. In return, The Quiet One will become almost dependant on you for fun, activity, and love.

There are a myriad of personality types you will find out in the world. Another is The Snob. This person needs an average Joe or Jane to bring them down to earth. They won�t want to stoop to the level of giving you a second look � but be persistent. The Snob�s affection is earned. The more affection you give, the more flattered The Snob will become. This is because The Snob, by trait, likes to be given things. Instead of spoiling the Snob with things he or she already has, provide something unique. Cook The Snob romantic dinners at home, and skip the fancy restaurants. Pick the female Snob wildflowers instead of buying traditional roses. The Snob can then brag to other Snobs that he or she has someone �different� than everyone else. And as you know, Snobs always like to have what everyone else doesn�t.

There is also The Soap Opera Star. If you have the saintly qualities needed to love The Soap Opera Star, more power to you. This person eats, sleeps, and breathes drama. Take the normal ups and downs in life, and multiply them by 1000. Such is the life of The Soap Opera Star. The Soap Opera Star misplaces his golf club, and everything that happens from that point on in the day is absolutely ruined. Don�t be surprised if The Soap Opera Star takes his or her troubles out on you. If you desire to love this gem, patience, understanding (even if you must pretend) and the ability to console are qualities you have to put forth. The Soap Opera Star will end up completely in love with you. If you decide to leave The Soap Opera Star, he or she will stalk you.

Another popular personality is The Complainer. Everything annoys The Complainer. You can tell The Complainer that he or she looks nice today, and they will respond with a very serious, �Why do you have to lie to me? I gained 5 pounds in the last week, my pants look too short, and I�m having a bad hair day. I definitely know I can�t trust you to tell me the truth.� If you truly love The Complainer, you will never take their words to heart. You will also keep providing them with more topics to complain about, like a drug supply to an addict. Bring up topics that you know they love to moan about. They, in turn, will provide you with hours of one-on-one conversation. You�d better have a good ear to listen, and be able to support them in their outlandish claims. Don�t expect to do too much talking yourself. The Complainer will love you to death. Literally.

All in all, no matter what type of person you are trying to win over, you can do it with a little bit of common sense and consideration. Think your way through the situation. That�s all it takes. The power of love is in your hands.

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