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The Natural Roots of Sexuality
by: Sam Vaknin
The Natural Roots of Sexuality

By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited"

Recent studies in animal sexuality serve to dispel two common myths:
that sex is exclusively about reproduction and that homosexuality is
an unnatural sexual preference. It now appears that sex is also
about recreation as it frequently occurs out of the mating season.
And same-sex copulation and bonding are common in hundreds of
species, from bonobo apes to gulls.

Moreover, homosexual couples in the Animal Kingdom are prone to
behaviors commonly - and erroneously - attributed only to
heterosexuals. The New York Times reported in its February 7, 2004
issue about a couple of gay penguins who are desperately and
recurrently seeking to incubate eggs together.

In the same article ("Love that Dare not Squeak its Name"), Bruce
Bagemihl, author of the groundbreaking "Biological Exuberance:
Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity", defines homosexuality
as "any of these behaviors between members of the same sex: long-
term bonding, sexual contact, courtship displays or the rearing of
young."

Still, that a certain behavior occurs in nature (is "natural") does
not render it moral. Infanticide, patricide, suicide, gender bias,
and substance abuse - are all to be found in various animal species.
It is futile to argue for homosexuality or against it based on
zoological observations. Ethics is about surpassing nature - not
about emulating it.

The more perplexing question remains: what are the evolutionary and
biological advantages of recreational sex and homosexuality? Surely,
both entail the waste of scarce resources.

Convoluted explanations, such as the one proffered by Marlene Zuk
(homosexuals contribute to the gene pool by nurturing and raising
young relatives) defy common sense, experience, and the calculus of
evolution. There are no field studies that show conclusively or even
indicate that homosexuals tend to raise and nurture their younger
relatives more that straights do.

Moreover, the arithmetic of genetics would rule out such a
stratagem. If the aim of life is to pass on one's genes from one
generation to the next, the homosexual would have been far better
off raising his own children (who carry forward half his DNA) -
rather than his nephew or niece (with whom he shares merely one
quarter of his genetic material.)
What is more, though genetically-predisposed, homosexuality may be
partly acquired, the outcome of environment and nurture, rather than
nature.

An oft-overlooked fact is that recreational sex and homosexuality
have one thing in common: they do not lead to reproduction.
Homosexuality may, therefore, be a form of pleasurable sexual play.
It may also enhance same-sex bonding and train the young to form
cohesive, purposeful groups (the army and the boarding school come
to mind).

Furthermore, homosexuality amounts to the culling of 10-15% of the
gene pool in each generation. The genetic material of the homosexual
is not propagated and is effectively excluded from the big roulette
of life. Growers - of anything from cereals to cattle - similarly
use random culling to improve their stock. As mathematical models
show, such repeated mass removal of DNA from the common brew seems
to optimize the species and increase its resilience and efficiency.

It is ironic to realize that homosexuality and other forms of non-
reproductive, pleasure-seeking sex may be key evolutionary
mechanisms and integral drivers of population dynamics. Reproduction
is but one goal among many, equally important, end results.
Heterosexuality is but one strategy among a few optimal solutions.
Studying biology may yet lead to greater tolerance for the vast
repertory of human sexual foibles, preferences, and predilections.
Back to nature, in this case, may be forward to civilization.

Suggested Literature

Bagemihl, Bruce - "Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and
Natural Diversity" - St. Martin's Press, 1999

De-Waal, Frans and Lanting, Frans - "Bonobo: The Forgotten Ape" -
University of California Press, 1997

De Waal, Frans - "Bonobo Sex and Society" - March 1995 issue of
Scientific American, pp. 82-88

Trivers, Robert - Natural Selection and Social Theory: Selected
Papers - Oxford University Press, 2002

Zuk, Marlene - "Sexual Selections: What We Can and Can't Learn About
Sex From Animals" - University of California Press, 2002



==============================================================
AUTHOR BIO (must be included with the article)

Sam Vaknin ( http://samvak.tripod.com ) is the author of Malignant
Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West
Lost the East. He served as a columnist for Central Europe Review,
PopMatters, Bellaonline, and eBookWeb, a United Press International
(UPI) Senior Business Correspondent, and the editor of mental health
and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory and
Suite101.

Until recently, he served as the Economic Advisor to the Government
of Macedonia.

Visit Sam's Web site at http://samvak.tripod.com


Sam Vaknin ( http://samvak.tripod.com ) is the author of Malignant
Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West
Lost the East. He served as a columnist for Central Europe Review,
PopMatters, Bellaonline, and eBookWeb, a United Press International
(UPI) Senior Business Correspondent, and the editor of mental health
and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory and
Suite101.

Until recently, he served as the Economic Advisor to the Government
of Macedonia.

Visit Sam's Web site at http://samvak.tripod.com





Contact him at http://samvak.tripod.com

 


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 The Power of Love - Dating Smart
 by: Jill Dellamalva

You don’t need to depend on fate to bring “The One” to your doorstep. You might have to wait a very long time.

You don’t have to be the prettiest girl or the most handsome guy to be a successful dater. You don’t need a huge bank account. You don’t have to drive a new sports car, live in a large home, have the best sense of humor, or the most confidence. These things are all desirable; but chances are, they won’t keep the target of your affection around forever.

So what is it that you need to get and keep your love around? The answer is simple.

Power.

Many people looking for relationships are searching for someone to complete them, to fill in what is lacking in their own lives. A smart dater pays attention to detail, determines what it is that the other person is lacking, and ultimately provides it. A smart dater knows that when you are a source of something another person needs to be happy, you have power over them.

The first step to achieving power and becoming a smart dater is assessing the personality of the person you want to be with. You must zone in on the characteristic that defines the person most. Then, use your observations about their personality to determine what the person needs in his or her life to be happy. Finally, provide it.

Take, for example, the aggressive personality. If you’re in love with The Aggressor, you know that he or she isn’t a bit shy. The Aggressor knows what he or she is after, and thrives on the challenge of attaining it. Love with The Aggressor can be compared to a sport, and The Aggressor is looking to win. Like in any sport, an easy victory can be quite boring and quick. Your task is to give the Aggressor a challenge. Do not let your heart be an easy win. If you do, the Aggressor will simply move on to the next person. When the Aggressor leaves you a voice mail to call them back, forget to call. When the Aggressor asks you out for a date, once in a while tell them that you are too busy. Be moody, selfish, and difficult from time to time. Now, don’t be completely mean – remember, you must give kindness and affection to The Aggressor as much as you take it away. This will drive The Aggressor insane, and cause him or her to lose focus of the game. In no time, you’ll be holding the trophy.

Perhaps your love interest is not The Aggressor. Perhaps he or she is reserved and shy. This personality type tends to be innocent, and maybe lacking in solid relationship experience. You job, then, is to initiate The Quiet One into the realm of relationships and dating. Give The Quiet One something to get excited about. Shower The Quiet One with frivolous gifts and attention. Approach The Quiet One with zest, energy, and an ultra-positive attitude about life. Essentially, bring The Quiet One out of his or her shell, making them feel comfortable with you. In return, The Quiet One will become almost dependant on you for fun, activity, and love.

There are a myriad of personality types you will find out in the world. Another is The Snob. This person needs an average Joe or Jane to bring them down to earth. They won’t want to stoop to the level of giving you a second look – but be persistent. The Snob’s affection is earned. The more affection you give, the more flattered The Snob will become. This is because The Snob, by trait, likes to be given things. Instead of spoiling the Snob with things he or she already has, provide something unique. Cook The Snob romantic dinners at home, and skip the fancy restaurants. Pick the female Snob wildflowers instead of buying traditional roses. The Snob can then brag to other Snobs that he or she has someone “different” than everyone else. And as you know, Snobs always like to have what everyone else doesn’t.

There is also The Soap Opera Star. If you have the saintly qualities needed to love The Soap Opera Star, more power to you. This person eats, sleeps, and breathes drama. Take the normal ups and downs in life, and multiply them by 1000. Such is the life of The Soap Opera Star. The Soap Opera Star misplaces his golf club, and everything that happens from that point on in the day is absolutely ruined. Don’t be surprised if The Soap Opera Star takes his or her troubles out on you. If you desire to love this gem, patience, understanding (even if you must pretend) and the ability to console are qualities you have to put forth. The Soap Opera Star will end up completely in love with you. If you decide to leave The Soap Opera Star, he or she will stalk you.

Another popular personality is The Complainer. Everything annoys The Complainer. You can tell The Complainer that he or she looks nice today, and they will respond with a very serious, “Why do you have to lie to me? I gained 5 pounds in the last week, my pants look too short, and I’m having a bad hair day. I definitely know I can’t trust you to tell me the truth.” If you truly love The Complainer, you will never take their words to heart. You will also keep providing them with more topics to complain about, like a drug supply to an addict. Bring up topics that you know they love to moan about. They, in turn, will provide you with hours of one-on-one conversation. You’d better have a good ear to listen, and be able to support them in their outlandish claims. Don’t expect to do too much talking yourself. The Complainer will love you to death. Literally.

All in all, no matter what type of person you are trying to win over, you can do it with a little bit of common sense and consideration. Think your way through the situation. That’s all it takes. The power of love is in your hands.


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