Online Dating: 10 Critical Mistakes ALL People Make – Including You!
by:
Elena Solomon
Copyright (C) 2005 Elena Solomon
Online dating is fascinating.
You can meet thousands of available singles that are literally just a click away, seeking love, romance, dating, marriage, friendship – and yes, of course sex. Men and women alike join dating services hoping to make new friends and start new relationships.
But there are some common mistakes ALL people make when using Internet personals – including YOU!
Here are ten common mistakes all people make when dating online. Check out if you are guilty of some of them.
MISTAKE #1 - “Giving it a try”Most people start using online personals with the attitude “Let me give it a try and see where it goes”. They don’t really think they WILL meet someone – they only HOPE to meet someone. What is the difference? When you “hope” to succeed, you don’t try hard enough – if it works, great, if it does not work, fine, at least I’ve tried. When you think you “will” meet someone, and it does not work, you change something in your approach to online dating to get the results you want.
BOTTOM LINE: Don’t “give it a try” – do your best.
MISTAKE #2 - Hoping “the right person will find you”Most people don’t pay when post their profiles on online dating sites, which usually means they can receive letters but cannot answer ads of other members. They hope people will be writing to them. If you are an 18-year-old model-type girl, this may work for you. But if you are not, then you shouldn’t hope your dream partner would email you out of blue. You will get much better results if pay for premium membership to the dating site and write to people yourself.
BOTTOM LINE: Contact other people; don’t wait for them to contact you.
MISTAKE #3 - Sending one-linersIt’s amazing how many people using online personals send letters of the type “Hi, liked your profile, please see my profile”. If your photo does not impress the other person in an instant, most likely they will just delete your email. Some *might* actually read your profile – and if there is nothing in your profile that impresses them in an instant, then they will also just delete your email.
BOTTOM LINE: Write letters that have some substance in them.
MISTAKE #4 - Sending form lettersI always know when I receive a form letter - always! I am sure you know it too. If there are no personal references in the letter, I know this letter was not written specially for me. No one wants to be one of the crowd. Every person wants to be special!
BOTTOM LINE: Write individual letters for each person you contact.
MISTAKE #5 - Writing boring lettersMany people are guilty of this one. They write about things they want to say and not what the other person wants to hear.The result: letters that are plain BORING.Remember: it’s not about YOU – it’s about THEM! Tell them what you liked about their profile so much that you decided to write to them. Some things may be uncertain in their profiles – ask questions and guess the answers. For example, she ticked “Tell you later” in her profile about kids – if she did not have any kids, she would say so. Ask if she has kids and tell her you think she does and that you just love kiddies. A person who actually THINKS and what more – thinks ABOUT HER, it’s indeed something special, and your letter is sure to get noticed. Don’t talk much about yourself in your letter (she can always read your profile) - tell her why you think you will be the right guy for HER. If you do not fit her requirements 100%, tell her why it won’t be a problem. You pride yourself as having great sense of humor? Back up your claim – make her laugh! From the first line, your letter should grab her attention and she should not be able to stop reading till the end. THEN she will be certainly compelled to check your profile on the Internet personals website.
BOTTOM LINE: Write interesting letters – the type of letters you would like to receive.
MISTAKE #6 - Contacting dozens of members at onceOnce people pay for their premium membership to the online dating site, they tend to contact dozens of members at once. The reason for that is that they don’t hope to receive much response. STOP for a minute: what are you actually looking for? Most of us are interested to start a relationship with someone special. In fact, all you need is only one person – but the one who is RIGHT for you. Do you really want to correspond with 50 people at a time? Spend more time reading profiles on the site, and then select a precious few that you like the most and write to them. Make sure you get responses from your favorites before contacting other people.
BOTTOM LINE: Don’t contact dozens of people at once – concentrate on the ones you like the most.
MISTAKE #7 - Not following upLet’s face it: we live in a fast-paced world. We tell people “Let’s get together soon” and forget it in an instant. We send an email, never get a response and lose the contact forever. This is extremely important when using Internet personals: if you do not get a response, follow up. Send another email. Tell them you are waiting for an answer and you want to hear from them even if they are NOT interested. Having somebody who is really interested in you is not very common nowadays. This very fact may convince people to answer you. Check if they are premium members. If they are not, they might have to pay the membership fee before they are allowed to answer your email, and this is the reason why they did not respond. Check the rules of the website before assuming they are not interested.
BOTTOM LINE: Follow up. Make sure there are no technical problems averting your contact.
MISTAKE #8 - Not having a photo in your profileIf you don’t have a picture in your profile, you are missing out on people’s attention great deal. Many great singles, men and women alike, NEVER answer mails from members without photos – leave alone writing to them. If you are concerned about privacy, take a photo where you are in the distance and hardly recognizable, or put on sunglasses. Smiling broadly also changes your face.
BOTTOM LINE: Put a photo in your profile. This is proven to increase your chances up to 10 times.
MISTAKE #9 - Bad body language on the photosWhen people look at your photos, they try to figure out what kind of person you are. If you cross your arms of legs, or in any other way “cover” your body on the photos, placing a barrier between you and the viewer, you make them think you are timid, insecure and lack confidence. Use open body language - open palms, arms on the sides of your body – never “covering” it, smile and “look” the viewers in the eyes.
BOTTOM LINE: Check your body language – people make their opinion about your personality by looking at your photos.
MISTAKE #10 - Giving upYou’ve tried this and that and nothing worked, so you give up: “Internet dating just doesn’t work for me”. That’s the biggest mistake of all. What you should do is to use your negative experience and learn WHY it did not work. Look at profiles of other people that attracted you and compare it with your own profile. Try to change your wording. Get a new photo with a happy smile. Try to contact somebody you feel nothing about and see how it goes. Maybe you are just trying too hard? Treat your search for a partner as you would treat the search for a new job: if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. Make it your habit to check new listings every day and write to one person. See what works and use it again. Borrow ideas from other people. Just don’t give up!
BOTTOM LINE: Online dating works. All you need to do is to gain experience. Practice makes perfect. Your special person is waiting for you!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Elena Solomon works in online dating since the early days of WWW. She is the exclusive dating consultant of Soulmades.com.au – Internet personals for singles seeking love, romance, relationships and fun.
Elena is the author of "12 Simple Rules for Success in Love, Life and Online Dating". For a limited time, you can get this popular e-book absolutely FREE at http://www.soulmades.com.au/freebook (normally sells for $49.95).
Elena Solomon works in online dating since the early days of WWW. She is the exclusive dating consultant of Soulmades.com.au – Internet personals for singles seeking love, romance, relationships and fun
Elena is the author of "12 Simple Rules for Success in Love, Life and Online Dating". For a limited time, you can get this popular e-book absolutely FREE at http://www.soulmades.com.au/freebook (normally sells for $49.95
The Power of Love -
Dating Smart
by: Jill Dellamalva
You don’t need to depend on fate to bring “The One” to your doorstep.
You might have to wait a very long time.
You don’t have to be the prettiest girl or the most handsome guy to be
a successful dater. You don’t need a huge bank account. You don’t have to
drive a new sports car, live in a large home, have the best sense of
humor, or the most confidence. These things are all desirable; but chances
are, they won’t keep the target of your affection around forever.
So what is it that you need to get and keep your love around? The
answer is simple.
Power.
Many people looking for relationships are searching for someone to
complete them, to fill in what is lacking in their own lives. A smart
dater pays attention to detail, determines what it is that the other
person is lacking, and ultimately provides it. A smart dater knows that
when you are a source of something another person needs to be happy, you
have power over them.
The first step to achieving power and becoming a smart dater is
assessing the personality of the person you want to be with. You must zone
in on the characteristic that defines the person most. Then, use your
observations about their personality to determine what the person needs in
his or her life to be happy. Finally, provide it.
Take, for example, the aggressive personality. If you’re in love with
The Aggressor, you know that he or she isn’t a bit shy. The Aggressor
knows what he or she is after, and thrives on the challenge of attaining
it. Love with The Aggressor can be compared to a sport, and The Aggressor
is looking to win. Like in any sport, an easy victory can be quite boring
and quick. Your task is to give the Aggressor a challenge. Do not let your
heart be an easy win. If you do, the Aggressor will simply move on to the
next person. When the Aggressor leaves you a voice mail to call them back,
forget to call. When the Aggressor asks you out for a date, once in a
while tell them that you are too busy. Be moody, selfish, and difficult
from time to time. Now, don’t be completely mean – remember, you must give
kindness and affection to The Aggressor as much as you take it away. This
will drive The Aggressor insane, and cause him or her to lose focus of the
game. In no time, you’ll be holding the trophy.
Perhaps your love interest is not The Aggressor. Perhaps he or she is
reserved and shy. This personality type tends to be innocent, and maybe
lacking in solid relationship experience. You job, then, is to initiate
The Quiet One into the realm of relationships and dating. Give The Quiet
One something to get excited about. Shower The Quiet One with frivolous
gifts and attention. Approach The Quiet One with zest, energy, and an
ultra-positive attitude about life. Essentially, bring The Quiet One out
of his or her shell, making them feel comfortable with you. In return, The
Quiet One will become almost dependant on you for fun, activity, and love.
There are a myriad of personality types you will find out in the world.
Another is The Snob. This person needs an average Joe or Jane to bring
them down to earth. They won’t want to stoop to the level of giving you a
second look – but be persistent. The Snob’s affection is earned. The more
affection you give, the more flattered The Snob will become. This is
because The Snob, by trait, likes to be given things. Instead of spoiling
the Snob with things he or she already has, provide something unique. Cook
The Snob romantic dinners at home, and skip the fancy restaurants. Pick
the female Snob wildflowers instead of buying traditional roses. The Snob
can then brag to other Snobs that he or she has someone “different” than
everyone else. And as you know, Snobs always like to have what everyone
else doesn’t.
There is also The Soap Opera Star. If you have the saintly qualities
needed to love The Soap Opera Star, more power to you. This person eats,
sleeps, and breathes drama. Take the normal ups and downs in life, and
multiply them by 1000. Such is the life of The Soap Opera Star. The Soap
Opera Star misplaces his golf club, and everything that happens from that
point on in the day is absolutely ruined. Don’t be surprised if The Soap
Opera Star takes his or her troubles out on you. If you desire to love
this gem, patience, understanding (even if you must pretend) and the
ability to console are qualities you have to put forth. The Soap Opera
Star will end up completely in love with you. If you decide to leave The
Soap Opera Star, he or she will stalk you.
Another popular personality is The Complainer. Everything annoys The
Complainer. You can tell The Complainer that he or she looks nice today,
and they will respond with a very serious, “Why do you have to lie to me?
I gained 5 pounds in the last week, my pants look too short, and I’m
having a bad hair day. I definitely know I can’t trust you to tell me the
truth.” If you truly love The Complainer, you will never take their words
to heart. You will also keep providing them with more topics to complain
about, like a drug supply to an addict. Bring up topics that you know they
love to moan about. They, in turn, will provide you with hours of
one-on-one conversation. You’d better have a good ear to listen, and be
able to support them in their outlandish claims. Don’t expect to do too
much talking yourself. The Complainer will love you to death. Literally.
All in all, no matter what type of person you are trying to win over,
you can do it with a little bit of common sense and consideration. Think
your way through the situation. That’s all it takes. The power of love is
in your hands.
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