All About Love

Article Navigation

Click Here for more articles

GAINING CLARITY ON RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS

by: Robert Najemy

GAINING CLARITY ON RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS

Robert Elias Najemy

>From our Conscious Love Relationships Program at:

http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/relationships/index.asp

We suggest that you use this questionnaire to gain greater clarity
before answering the basic questionnaire.

A. have you had previous relationships: If yes:

1. Are there specific types of partners that you attract or are attracted
to?

2. Is there a certain type of partner towards which you feel aversion?

3. Were you happy in these relationships?

4. In general did you leave the relationship or did the other?

5. What do you believe were the factors that played a role in these
relationships not working out?

6. Did you play a role in their not working out? If so what was your
contribution?

7. Do you notice any patterns in your relationship situations and
interactions?
If so which?

8. What lessons might you be able to learn from these previous
relationships?

9. Were there also very pleasant and positive moments in those
relationships? If so, which?

B. Your parental prototypes:

1. How would you describe the your parental prototypes:
a. Your Mother
b. Your Father
c. The relationship between them � the ways in which they interacted and
communicated � or did not.
d. Your own relationship with you mother
e. Your own relationship with your father.

2. Were there behavioral similarities between any of your previous partners
and one or more of your parents. If yes,
A. Which were they?
B. What might you need to learn by having �chosen � as a soul� to have a
number of close persons with similar behaviors?
C. What do you want to learn or do in relationship to that?

C. Is there a difference between what society and / or your parents want for
you and what you want from a relationship? What do you want to do about
that?

D. What is important for you to have in your relationship.
(Have in mind that you might be able to have all of these, and maybe not.
You might have to choose or sacrifice.)
__1. To have a relationship at any cost. To have a partner, children,
family?
__2. To be in love with someone?
__3. To be loved by someone?
__4. To be able to share feelings and thoughts with someone?
__5. To have a lively and interesting interaction with someone?
__6. To be socially accepted because you are married?
___7. To have a relationship so as to be able to have children?
___8. To have a relationship in order to feel worthy to others.
___9. To have a relationship in order to feel safe and secure?
___10.To have a relationship so that there will be someone at home with me �
especially in the evenings.
Other needs that you hope to have satisfied through a relationship.
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________

E. Have you noticed that you might have certain doubts, concerns or fears
about creating a committed personal relationship. If so why? Consider the
following possibilities.

1. We might fear intimacy because we fear:
a. Being abandoned
b. Being suppressed
c. Being hurt
d. Rejection
e. That we will not be able to be ourselves
f. If they know us deeper, they will not will not want to be with us.
2. We might feel vulnerable and afraid of being hurt if we are open and
loving and prefer to keep an emotional distance.
3. We do not want to give the other the idea that he or she can do whatever
he or she likes with us.
4. We would like them first to ask for forgiveness or at least realize
their mistakes.
5. We fear we will lose control over them by letting them be too relaxed
with us.
6. We want to place the blame for our dissatisfaction with ourselves or our
lives on someone else who is "responsible".
7. We falsely believe that love requires that we must let this person do
whatever he or she wants � regardless of ethics or justice � and that this
would be totally unacceptable.
8. We have identified with the role of the victim and need to feel hurt and
abused.
9. We are in the role of the interrogator and need to find others� faults.
10. We are afraid of expressing love, because we fear that there will not be
an adequate response from others and we will feel rejected.
11. We cannot believe that others could possibly love us.
12. We have been seriously hurt by this person and cannot overcome this
bitterness.

If you have been affected by these or other obstacles what can you do to get
free?

F. Do you feel unhappy alone?
For a few days?
For a long time?
If so, what obstructs you from being happy even when you are alone?

1. Are you afraid when alone?
2. Do you feel less worthy when alone?
3. Are you bored when alone?
4. Do you not know what to do with your time?
5. Do you feel that there is no meaning to life, when you are alone?
5. Do you feel badly because the others are in relationships and you are
not?
6. What emotions do you have when you think:
a. That you do not have a relationship at this moment?
b. That you have not had a relationship for some time?
c. That your previous relationships have not worked out?
d. That some others have relationships and you do not?

7. What do you want or need to do in order to feel better alone until you
meet the right person?

8. What do you believe will change in your life if you have a love partner?
What will you have that you do not have now?
-----------------------article ends-----------------------

******************************************
Robert Elias Najemy, a life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained
over 300 Life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Info at:
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/introholisticcoach.asp
He is the author of over 20 books, 600 articles and 400 lecture cassettes on
Human Harmony. Download FREE 100's of articles, find wonderful ebooks,
guidance, audio files and teleclasses at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com.
His books The Psychology of Happiness and Remove Pain with Energy Psychology
are available at http://www.amazon.com

Robert Elias Najemy, a life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained
over 300 Life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Info at:
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/introholisticcoach.asp
He is the author of over 20 books, 600 articles and 400 lecture cassettes on
Human Harmony. Download FREE 100's of articles, find wonderful ebooks,
guidance, audio files and teleclasses at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com.
His books The Psychology of Happiness and Remove Pain with Energy Psychology
are available at http://www.amazon.com

Contact him at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com

Read Articles:

The Powerful Secret to A Loving Relationship

21 No-Cost (or Extremely Low-Cost) Ways to Remi...

Feng Shui and Romance

For A Special Anniversary: Renew Your Vows

Top 10 Male Turn Ons

To Be Loved As To Love

Long Distance Relationships - How to Make it Work

Dating Tips: Creating The Perfect Atmosphere

What is the Best Position for Making Love?

Walking on egg shells !

Dating Tips: Share a Little More Personal on Yo...

Speaking Your Truth to Your Partner

Having Sex or Making Love

The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Head

Overcoming Fears of Intimacy

Photos for Internet Personals: Top 4 Reasons Wh...

Recovering from Romantic Fantasy

7 Reasons Why Diamonds Are Still A Girl's Best ...

10 Things You Should Never Say to a Guy

Could Your Relationship Be Spiced Up?

Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the ...

A Dream of the Perfect Partner

Be His Gift of Self-esteem for Christmas

5 Surefire Ways to Arouse Your Woman

Dating Tips: Work on The Similarities

Addicted to the Drama

Dating Tips: The First Impression Matters

Sexual Attraction - Addiction or Intimacy?

Keeping Love Alive

Ever Wonder What Can Blow Up And Wreck Your Lov...

More Article Pages 1 - 2 - 3 - 4

The Power of Love - Dating Smart
by: Jill Dellamalva

You don�t need to depend on fate to bring �The One� to your doorstep. You might have to wait a very long time.

You don�t have to be the prettiest girl or the most handsome guy to be a successful dater. You don�t need a huge bank account. You don�t have to drive a new sports car, live in a large home, have the best sense of humor, or the most confidence. These things are all desirable; but chances are, they won�t keep the target of your affection around forever.

So what is it that you need to get and keep your love around? The answer is simple.

Power.

Many people looking for relationships are searching for someone to complete them, to fill in what is lacking in their own lives. A smart dater pays attention to detail, determines what it is that the other person is lacking, and ultimately provides it. A smart dater knows that when you are a source of something another person needs to be happy, you have power over them.

The first step to achieving power and becoming a smart dater is assessing the personality of the person you want to be with. You must zone in on the characteristic that defines the person most. Then, use your observations about their personality to determine what the person needs in his or her life to be happy. Finally, provide it.

Take, for example, the aggressive personality. If you�re in love with The Aggressor, you know that he or she isn�t a bit shy. The Aggressor knows what he or she is after, and thrives on the challenge of attaining it. Love with The Aggressor can be compared to a sport, and The Aggressor is looking to win. Like in any sport, an easy victory can be quite boring and quick. Your task is to give the Aggressor a challenge. Do not let your heart be an easy win. If you do, the Aggressor will simply move on to the next person. When the Aggressor leaves you a voice mail to call them back, forget to call. When the Aggressor asks you out for a date, once in a while tell them that you are too busy. Be moody, selfish, and difficult from time to time. Now, don�t be completely mean � remember, you must give kindness and affection to The Aggressor as much as you take it away. This will drive The Aggressor insane, and cause him or her to lose focus of the game. In no time, you�ll be holding the trophy.

Perhaps your love interest is not The Aggressor. Perhaps he or she is reserved and shy. This personality type tends to be innocent, and maybe lacking in solid relationship experience. You job, then, is to initiate The Quiet One into the realm of relationships and dating. Give The Quiet One something to get excited about. Shower The Quiet One with frivolous gifts and attention. Approach The Quiet One with zest, energy, and an ultra-positive attitude about life. Essentially, bring The Quiet One out of his or her shell, making them feel comfortable with you. In return, The Quiet One will become almost dependant on you for fun, activity, and love.

There are a myriad of personality types you will find out in the world. Another is The Snob. This person needs an average Joe or Jane to bring them down to earth. They won�t want to stoop to the level of giving you a second look � but be persistent. The Snob�s affection is earned. The more affection you give, the more flattered The Snob will become. This is because The Snob, by trait, likes to be given things. Instead of spoiling the Snob with things he or she already has, provide something unique. Cook The Snob romantic dinners at home, and skip the fancy restaurants. Pick the female Snob wildflowers instead of buying traditional roses. The Snob can then brag to other Snobs that he or she has someone �different� than everyone else. And as you know, Snobs always like to have what everyone else doesn�t.

There is also The Soap Opera Star. If you have the saintly qualities needed to love The Soap Opera Star, more power to you. This person eats, sleeps, and breathes drama. Take the normal ups and downs in life, and multiply them by 1000. Such is the life of The Soap Opera Star. The Soap Opera Star misplaces his golf club, and everything that happens from that point on in the day is absolutely ruined. Don�t be surprised if The Soap Opera Star takes his or her troubles out on you. If you desire to love this gem, patience, understanding (even if you must pretend) and the ability to console are qualities you have to put forth. The Soap Opera Star will end up completely in love with you. If you decide to leave The Soap Opera Star, he or she will stalk you.

Another popular personality is The Complainer. Everything annoys The Complainer. You can tell The Complainer that he or she looks nice today, and they will respond with a very serious, �Why do you have to lie to me? I gained 5 pounds in the last week, my pants look too short, and I�m having a bad hair day. I definitely know I can�t trust you to tell me the truth.� If you truly love The Complainer, you will never take their words to heart. You will also keep providing them with more topics to complain about, like a drug supply to an addict. Bring up topics that you know they love to moan about. They, in turn, will provide you with hours of one-on-one conversation. You�d better have a good ear to listen, and be able to support them in their outlandish claims. Don�t expect to do too much talking yourself. The Complainer will love you to death. Literally.

All in all, no matter what type of person you are trying to win over, you can do it with a little bit of common sense and consideration. Think your way through the situation. That�s all it takes. The power of love is in your hands.

This Static Spot is open for sponsor

This Static Spot is open for sponsor