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Ever Wonder What Can Blow Up And Wreck Your Love By Design Relationship?
by: Cucan Pemo Publishing
Not many people know about the hidden power struggles that
can occur in a relationship or marriage. This article is
about a hidden powerstruggle known as rhythms. Every person
has their own unique rhythm whether that is how they eat,
sleep, work, relax, or even think and breathe.

However, in our society, we have been taught to assume to
everyone is alike, or that there is a specific way that
everyone needs to go about their day in order to strive and
be successful. This can cause a powerstruggle in a
relationship in two ways.

1) Each partner will think that the other person has the
same rhythm as them, so if they are not doing things the
same way as them they are either doing things wrong or
intentially trying to resist them.

2) If the partners are trying to copy the other person’s
rhythm, it will be not in their highest and best interest.
They will not be “productive” or be in a healthy lifestyle
for the individual, which leads to powerstruggles anyway.

This article is to bring attention to some of the less well
known types of rhythms in a relationship.
Our first is what I will call a task accomplishment rhythm.
In our work, we teach individuals and couples something
similar called workstyles which are ways how people like to
carry out their work or activities such as Guideline people
who need a basic guideline or structure 24 hours a day or
Employee people who like to go by other peoples rules for a
certain portion of the day, then the rest of the time they
go by their own rules.

For task accomplishment rhythms, I will use Rob, my Life
Partner (who is also the Director/Counsellor for the Life
Management Centre/ LMC Relationship Centre and Co-author of
Love by Design) and myself as an example.

When Rob is accomplishing tasks throughout his day, he likes
to do a whole bunch of tasks, one after the other, nonstop
without any breaks. Then stop for the day. I on the other
hand, although having an Employee Workstyle, while I am
actually working for or with the other person, like to work
for a while, take a break, work for a while, take a break
etc. In the beginning of our relationship, there was an
unconscious powerstruggle, mostly felt by me because I
couldn’t keep up the same momentum as Rob, especially if we
had been out shopping or in public, I would have to have
rest and recoup before I could charge into the next task at
hand. I would get really tired and uncomfortable, and Rob
would feel my resistance.

That didn’t last for long though, as soon as I recognized
that my rhythm was different than Rob’s, I brought it to his
attention. I accepted that my rhythm is different than his
and he has incorporated my rhythm into his schedule, so I
can rest in peace, and then join him again in our tasks. The
good news is that I was just as productive as Rob, as long
as I kept true to myself and my rhythm.

Another example of a rhythm is that people have different
speech patterns, speed and rhythms. Rob had a couple come in
to see him once, were the couple was having a communication
problem.

The wife talked a mile a minute; the husband talked very
slowly and paused a lot when talking. The wife often cut him
off, between pauses, the husband often feeling offended by
being interrupted all the time and the wife always felt like
they weren’t getting anywhere in their communication. Would
you believe the powerstruggle was there simply because they
weren’t aware that they had different speaking rhythms? As
soon as Rob pointed this out to them, and taught them how to
understand, appreciate and not be in nonresistance to their
rhythm their communication greatly improved. The wife,
especially learned to be aware of the husband’s pause, and
that the pause didn’t mean he was finished talking.

There are many other types of rhythms out there that will be
unique to you and to you partner. Your assignment, if you
choose to accept it, is to be aware of your feelings. If you
ever feel like you are in resistance to your partner, such
as feeling angry, a drop of energy or the need to dig your
heels in, be on the “look out” and “feel out” for a
potential rhythm that may be different.

Next, bring you partner into awareness, then accept, and
appreciate both your partner’s and your own unique rhythms.
With acceptance, nonresistance and being authentic, you will
find that not only will the resistance fade away, both of
your fill be at you fullest, and highest and best capacity
in all areas of your lives.

....................................
Get Instant FREE Access to SPECIAL REPORTS By Melody Chase
at http://www.FamilyAndRelatinships.com today! Find out if HE or SHE is the right mate for you at http://www.LoveByDesignBook.com

About The Author:
Melody Chase is the co-author of "The Ultimate Love By Design Relationship -
Find Out If HE or SHE Is The One For You!". She is a professional counsellor and
writer who has helped thousands of individuals and couples find and attract true
love at the relationship centre run by herself and her husband Dr Robby Bilton.
Get instant FREE access to SPECIAL REPORTS By Melody Chase at
http://www.LoveByDesignBook.com today!

This article is free for republishing

 



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The Power of Love - Dating Smart
 by: Jill Dellamalva

You don’t need to depend on fate to bring “The One” to your doorstep. You might have to wait a very long time.

You don’t have to be the prettiest girl or the most handsome guy to be a successful dater. You don’t need a huge bank account. You don’t have to drive a new sports car, live in a large home, have the best sense of humor, or the most confidence. These things are all desirable; but chances are, they won’t keep the target of your affection around forever.

So what is it that you need to get and keep your love around? The answer is simple.

Power.

Many people looking for relationships are searching for someone to complete them, to fill in what is lacking in their own lives. A smart dater pays attention to detail, determines what it is that the other person is lacking, and ultimately provides it. A smart dater knows that when you are a source of something another person needs to be happy, you have power over them.

The first step to achieving power and becoming a smart dater is assessing the personality of the person you want to be with. You must zone in on the characteristic that defines the person most. Then, use your observations about their personality to determine what the person needs in his or her life to be happy. Finally, provide it.

Take, for example, the aggressive personality. If you’re in love with The Aggressor, you know that he or she isn’t a bit shy. The Aggressor knows what he or she is after, and thrives on the challenge of attaining it. Love with The Aggressor can be compared to a sport, and The Aggressor is looking to win. Like in any sport, an easy victory can be quite boring and quick. Your task is to give the Aggressor a challenge. Do not let your heart be an easy win. If you do, the Aggressor will simply move on to the next person. When the Aggressor leaves you a voice mail to call them back, forget to call. When the Aggressor asks you out for a date, once in a while tell them that you are too busy. Be moody, selfish, and difficult from time to time. Now, don’t be completely mean – remember, you must give kindness and affection to The Aggressor as much as you take it away. This will drive The Aggressor insane, and cause him or her to lose focus of the game. In no time, you’ll be holding the trophy.

Perhaps your love interest is not The Aggressor. Perhaps he or she is reserved and shy. This personality type tends to be innocent, and maybe lacking in solid relationship experience. You job, then, is to initiate The Quiet One into the realm of relationships and dating. Give The Quiet One something to get excited about. Shower The Quiet One with frivolous gifts and attention. Approach The Quiet One with zest, energy, and an ultra-positive attitude about life. Essentially, bring The Quiet One out of his or her shell, making them feel comfortable with you. In return, The Quiet One will become almost dependant on you for fun, activity, and love.

There are a myriad of personality types you will find out in the world. Another is The Snob. This person needs an average Joe or Jane to bring them down to earth. They won’t want to stoop to the level of giving you a second look – but be persistent. The Snob’s affection is earned. The more affection you give, the more flattered The Snob will become. This is because The Snob, by trait, likes to be given things. Instead of spoiling the Snob with things he or she already has, provide something unique. Cook The Snob romantic dinners at home, and skip the fancy restaurants. Pick the female Snob wildflowers instead of buying traditional roses. The Snob can then brag to other Snobs that he or she has someone “different” than everyone else. And as you know, Snobs always like to have what everyone else doesn’t.

There is also The Soap Opera Star. If you have the saintly qualities needed to love The Soap Opera Star, more power to you. This person eats, sleeps, and breathes drama. Take the normal ups and downs in life, and multiply them by 1000. Such is the life of The Soap Opera Star. The Soap Opera Star misplaces his golf club, and everything that happens from that point on in the day is absolutely ruined. Don’t be surprised if The Soap Opera Star takes his or her troubles out on you. If you desire to love this gem, patience, understanding (even if you must pretend) and the ability to console are qualities you have to put forth. The Soap Opera Star will end up completely in love with you. If you decide to leave The Soap Opera Star, he or she will stalk you.

Another popular personality is The Complainer. Everything annoys The Complainer. You can tell The Complainer that he or she looks nice today, and they will respond with a very serious, “Why do you have to lie to me? I gained 5 pounds in the last week, my pants look too short, and I’m having a bad hair day. I definitely know I can’t trust you to tell me the truth.” If you truly love The Complainer, you will never take their words to heart. You will also keep providing them with more topics to complain about, like a drug supply to an addict. Bring up topics that you know they love to moan about. They, in turn, will provide you with hours of one-on-one conversation. You’d better have a good ear to listen, and be able to support them in their outlandish claims. Don’t expect to do too much talking yourself. The Complainer will love you to death. Literally.

All in all, no matter what type of person you are trying to win over, you can do it with a little bit of common sense and consideration. Think your way through the situation. That’s all it takes. The power of love is in your hands.



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