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8 Things That Maketh Not The Lady
by: T. O' Donnell
1. Tattoos.

Tattoos used to be the colouring of soldiers, sailors, mafiosi and punk rockers. About ten years ago, they became fashionable. The lower-middle classes started taking them up. Unfortunately, unlike last years' shoes, tattoos can't be taken to the thrift shop and disposed of.

To a certain class of person, tattoos are 'cool'. To another, they are a graffito on the temple of the soul. They mark a woman definitively as lower class, alienated, depressed, and a bit daft. They're also a handy way to identify one absolutely to the authorities. Which shows how stupid some crooks are.

The same goes for piercings. My family are farmers. I associate nose rings with bulls, and piercings with cattle tags. They are a haven of dirt, infection, and their openings look unsightly.

With tattoos and piercings, before you've opened your mouth, you've already typed yourself to people you meet.

2. Highlights and streaks.

Are you blonde, or brunette? Make up your mind! These might have been novel ten years ago. Now they just look common. Not all gentlemen prefer blondes. A healthy head of untinted brunette or raven dark hair is a pleasant novelty these days.

It is true that blondes have more fun. I used to be one! Most people on the planet are dark. A non-blonde with blonde hair looks 'interesting'.

Now this fashion is done to death, however. If they're doing it in Romford, it's buried!

3. Big hoop earrings.

Unmistakably part of the wardrobe of the gypsy. Which is fine if you are one. Strangely popular. Perhaps they're to make the wearer's head look smaller. Add them to the features above, and an unattractive type emerges.

4. Binge drinking.

Binge drinking, squawking and falling over in the street is hilarious if you are the one doing it. If you are the spectator, it's less so.

5. Visible G-string.

This is erotic, no doubt about it. Unless you haven't the figure to pull it off. Likely to provoke a reaction of 'Mother of G*d!' when adorning the pasty, blemished buttocks of the 'full-figured' young lady. Bad diet, no exercise, five-pints-a-night, then 'peek-a-boo!'. Agggh!

I used to wonder why so many saucily-dressed young ladies walked the streets hatchet-faced. Now I now. Half are trying to ward off unwanted vulgar advances from men, the other half are annoyed they're not getting any!

There's nothing sexy about contrived, blatant eroticism. What's erotic is what seems to be an accident. 'A glimpse of stocking is something quite shocking' etc.

Likely to irritate female co-workers also. Assuming your company allows such clothing. It doesn't? I wonder why?

6. Swearing.

Your gentleman friends might find this amusing, to your face. What they think in private is another matter. Habitual swearing is another sign of a depressed, angry person. It's unattractive. The more you do it, the more it corrodes your subconscious.

7. Breast Augmentation.

Also known as a 'boob job'. These look fine, from a distance. Compared to a natural pair, they look odd. They are to real breasts what a transexual is to a 'red hot mama'; no competition. Up close, they're just not as good as the real thing. A perfectly functional piece of equipment has been turned into a cartoon joke, with possible long-term medical consequences.

Some men like small breasts. Beauty is a matter of proportion. Some women are neurotic about their appearance; nothing will please them.

A good example is ...

8. Disappearing Eyebrows.

They get plucked away to nothingness, then get drawn or tattooed back in. And this is better? One can end up looking freakish, even clown-like. Loss of hair suggests illness. Plucking out one's hair is often a sign of mental illness. Girls, desist! Don't try to gild the lily!

IMPORTANT NOTE: There are people who'll encourage you in the above. They'll say you look lovely. Misery loves company, and some people delight in the fall of others.

Be your own woman. Stand back from yourself, your life and your surroundings, and decide your own destiny.

About the author:
T. O' Donnell (http://www.tigertom.com) is an ecommerce consultant and curmudgeon living in London, UK. His latest project is an ebook on conservatories, available at http://www.ttconservatories.co.uk.T. O' Donnell freeware may be downloaded at http://www.ttfreeware.co.uk.


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 Hair Accessories: When And How To Use Them
 by: Jenny Andrews B

In the 80s, the hair accessory was invaluable. Almost every style involved some sort of accessory or embellishment to really set it off. Today, hair accessories not a part of everyday style and care should be taken as to when and how to use them so that you will not look dated.

With that said, there are some occasions that scream for accessories: Work, social occasions and formal events may all have you searching for the perfect accessory to set off your look. While different occasions will call for different hair accessories, a good rule of thumb to follow is to choose the sedate accessory over one that could not go unnoticed in a crowd of a few hundred or a few thousand.

While choosing the right one can be tricky, there are a few pointers that you can follow to help you pick the perfect hair accessories to complete your look. Here are just a few:

· Work. In many work situations, you will likely have to wear your hair up. No matter if your type of employment requires it or you simply like to change your look now and then, wearing your hair up calls for the right accessory to do the job. The number one rule to finding the right embellishments for work is to avoid banana clips at all costs. I mean, who still makes these things? Apparently they’re making money at it or they wouldn’t still be producing these torture devices of the 80s. Don’t further their cause: stop buying this accessory. The second rule is to choose accessories that closely match your hair color or that blend nicely with it. Matching a hair clip to your clothes is only cute when you are 5-years-old. What you choose will depend largely on your length of hair and how you like to wear your hair up. For French twists, choose hair accessories that resemble over-sized hair clips. Simply twist and clip.

· Social and formal occasions. In social and formal occasions you have a greater opportunity to express your artsy side through accessories. Again choose sedate pieces over garish eye catchers. Classy pieces can be perfect for social occasions, whereas a little sprig of flowers or garnishment may be needed for formal occasions. Formal occasions are the only time that is okay to match your accessory to your clothing. But still, do not go overboard. What attracts the eye should be the beauty of your hair, not too-busy additions to it. If in doubt about what accessory or how much of it to include, opt for the simple solution: use as little as possible.

The bottom line with hair accessories is that too much of a good thing can confuse the eye and make your do look garish. Simple hair accessories, on the other hand, can make a bold beauty statement that makes your hair the talk of the office or party.


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