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Gathering with Extended Family for the Holidays Doesn’t Have to be Painful
by: ARA
(ARA) - Aunt Edna is upset because Cousin Billy is bringing his new girlfriend, and she doesn’t think she should have to buy her a gift. Sue and Harry’s family can only come on the Saturday before the holiday, and Aunt Judy insists that everything be home cooked. Considering the obstacles and opinions, why will Americans mob the airports and highways this holiday season, as they do every year, to attend gatherings with their extended families?

“People need to feel that connectedness,” surmises Charlotte Shoup Olsen, an associate professor of family studies and extension specialist at Kansas State University in Manhattan, Kan. “When everyone is together you get that sense of being part of a bigger community -- not in the sense that you live close by, but just in a sense of belonging. Holidays, especially, offer a good opportunity to build that family history together.”

According to a recent poll conducted by Harris Interactive and sponsored by Modern Woodmen of America, Rock Island, Ill., 90 percent of Americans attend a holiday event such as Thanksgiving or Christmas with extended family.

“Nearly all Americans in our survey (99 percent) feel it’s good for children to know their relatives and family history,” comments Sharon Snawerdt of Modern Woodmen. Modern Woodmen, a fraternal benefit society offering financial services, promotes strong family relationships through its many member programs as well as its Web site, www.gatherings.info.

Snawerdt adds, “Ninety percent of survey respondents indicated that spending time with extended family is one of the most important parts of their lives.”

Family Feuds

The holidays are a time for “peace on earth,” but that doesn’t stop Uncle Joe from fighting with Aunt Helen.

“Holidays are a time when people come home, and grown, mature adults will fall back into those old childhood roles in the family and past hard feelings resurface,” explains Olsen. “Big sis just can’t get over feeling that baby brother was spoiled rotten, even if they are both in their 40s.”

Olsen says that all family members should be included in the invitation, even the black sheep or the two family members having a feud.

“If someone refuses to come because so and so will be there, there is nothing you can do about it,” she says. “That is his or her baggage.”

Olsen offers some tips for how to handle family members who may not like to be in the same room with one another.

* Appoint a neutral member of the family to take on the role of mediator. (This person should use humor and tact to encourage guests to avoid touchy subjects. In other words, if Uncle Joe starts discussing Grandpa’s will, the mediator should gracefully make it known that this isn’t the appropriate time to bring up that topic.)

* Assign seats using place cards.

* Set up smaller table arrangements throughout the house.

* Limit alcoholic beverages. Alcohol makes some people braver and more confrontational.

Giving and Receiving

It wouldn’t be the holidays without gift giving, but as families grow larger many struggle with how to handle it. Olsen offers these tips:

* A grab bag. In this system, set a price limit and have each guy bring a guy gift and each gal bring a gal gift.

* A drawing. Each participant planning to attend the event draws a name from a hat (or via phone or email) and brings a gift for only that person.

* A homemade gift exchange. Crafts, food items and artwork are good suggestions. This is for the family willing to invest some time, but not as much money.

* A “time” gift certificate exchange. These can feature anything from snow shoveling to babysitting services.

* A kids-only exchange.

* A collection of donations for the local food pantry or group sponsorship of a needy family.

Finally, Olsen suggests forgoing the gift giving altogether and replacing it with activities even more meaningful. Modern Woodmen’s www.gatherings.info Web site offers a host of tips for making your family gathering fun. Aside from the standard board games and card games, your family may want to try these ideas:

* Games and Activities

-- “Picture Lotto” – Make your own game using copies of your family pictures.

-- “Frosty” – Use some toilet paper, construction paper and family teams to have some family fun in this interactive game.

-- “Unwrap the Gift” – This game uses a bag of candy or small gift items, a multi-layer-wrapped gift box and some music to create fun for the very young, as well as the adults.

* Scrapbook, photography and video ideas

-- A Family Time Capsule – It can’t get much easier than videotaping the festivities to save for posterity. You can incorporate interviews with family members asking them to share their favorite memories or a song.

-- Gathering Scrapbook – More than compiling a multifaceted record of a gathering, creating scrapbooks can be a rewarding. At your next family event have each family create a page. Take pictures that day thinking about each family, so you can get a representative sample. When the film is developed, place the appropriate pictures with that family’s page. Compile together and share at your next gathering.

“The important part of gift giving isn’t so much what you get, but prolonging the family time together,” says Olsen. “Instead of a gift exchange, you can think of activities or games to do together. You can sing carols or look over photo albums. You can view family videos or make a video heirloom. Any holiday tradition is an opportunity beyond eating to spend time together. You have a short amount of time together, but you want to make it a good memory for the whole year.”

“That’s one gift everyone will appreciate.”

Courtesy of ARA Content


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Holiday Planning Tips For Busy Moms
 by: Aurelia M. Williams

Ahhh, the Holidays…… The Thanksgiving turkey comes out of the oven golden brown, with an enticing aroma that fills the entire house. All the china is in pristine condition and not a single piece in the set is missing. The family is gathered for holiday pictures, the children are poised perfectly; hands to themselves, not a hair out of place and their smiles are shining brightly for the camera. Then just as the photographer is about to capture the shot… you wake up!

Let's be realistic ladies. Without proper planning, the holidays are anything but a holiday. Just look at the list of things that need to be done: Shopping, cooking, cleaning, decorating, sending holiday mail, the list goes on and on.

Let me clue you all in on a few key questions that you should ask yourself in order to have a holiday season free of stress and worry, and instead filled with fun and laughter:

What types of holiday celebrations do you want? For example: Do you want to have an immediate family only holiday affair or an extravaganza including immediate and extended family plus a few friends? Once you've thought everything through and decided on the type of holiday gathering you would like, you can then start making your plans.

If you are ready to get a head start on organizing yourself, your family and your holiday check lists, then keep reading:

Holiday Cards: Start early! I use a holiday card list that I derive from saving names and addresses from holiday cards my family has received in past years. I created a simple, computerized list that is easy to edit and print onto address labels. Be sure to stock up on stamps so that when you have your cards signed, stuffed and addressed you can affix a stamp to them and make one, simple trip to the Post Office.

Holiday Gifts: There's nothing like getting a HUGE credit card bill in the mail at the start of the New Year. Many of us tend to want to be generous when shopping for holiday gifts. While your generosity will be appreciated at gift giving time, keep in mind that it is very easy to succumb to "impulse buying" and go all out on your holiday shopping. While your intentions may be good, your pocketbook may be singing a different song. Set a budget and stick to it – your bank account will thank you for it after the start of the New Year.

Wrap it up: Wrap your gifts and place nametags on them immediately after you bring them home, then store the gifts in a secure spot. This will cut down on those late night wrapping sessions that I am sure we ALL have experienced a few times, if not every year.

Baking & cooking: If you will be cooking during the holidays, it is important to plan your meals ahead of time. Be sure to stock up ahead of time on all the necessary non-perishable baking ingredients such as flour, sugar and spices. Create a list of your holiday menus and a list of the ingredients you will need to prepare each of those meals. Also, try to think of a few dishes that can be prepared ahead of time and then frozen as an extra timesaving measure

Delegate: This is one of my favorite tips. Be sure to enlist the help of your family or friends. Sit down and discuss what needs to be done then ask for volunteers. If no hands are raised, simply assign small tasks to each of them. Whether it is arranging for a babysitter so that you can escape for a child free day of shopping, passing the shopping list onto another family member or friend so that they can pick up the items for you, or letting the children decorate your home. Be sure to get the whole family involved in the holiday preparations so that you will not be overwhelmed.

Enjoy: Whatever you decide to do, remember to relax and enjoy yourself. You and your family will have much fonder memories of this holiday season if you are not spending it pulling your hair out.



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