Single Americans want to marry someone who shares their Innermost Thoughts and Feelings rather than someone rich or of the same religion, a survey said on Wednesday.
Today's young Americans are on a quest to find their Soul Mate, compared with past generations that sought spouses with similar religious and social backgrounds, said a new survey from Rutgers University's National Marriage Project.
"Seeking a compatible mate who shares similar values is not new, but what is new and surprising is that the soul mate ideal has become the most desired marital partner characteristic for this age group - Surpassing Religion, economics and even the ability to be a good mother or father," said David Popenoe, co-director of the National Marriage Project.
Among Americans in their 20s who have never been married, they wanted a soul-mate spouse "first and foremost," said the survey, which was called "Who Wants to Marry a Soul Mate?".
They were very confident of success. Of those surveyed, 88 percent agreed there was a Special Person, a soul mate, waiting for you somewhere out there", and 87 percent thought they would find that person when they were ready to get married.
For 80 percent of the women polled, a husband who could articulate his deepest feelings was a better catch than one who earned a good living. Only 42 percent of single Americans in their 20s thought it was important for their spouses to have the Same Religious Beliefs, the survey showed.
The survey is part of the project's wider "The State of Our Unions" report on marriage trends in the United States. It was based on telephone interviews with married and single men and women. "There's an awful lot about soul mates in popular culture", Popenoe told Reuters. "It's the term of the hour. ... It's a big change from times past when you maybe hoped a spouse would be a soul mate by the end of life but you didn't start out looking for such a person. You were looking for someone responsible and reliable who would be a helpmate for the tasks of life.
The term Soul Mate is in vogue, cropping up in popular U.S. television shows as marriage continues to lose appeal in the country, Popenoe said.
The marriage rate hasn't started to go up; the out-of-wedlock birthrate hasn't started to go down; single-parent families are still going up slightly and there has been a tremendous increase in non marital cohabitation", he said.
According to a recent report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 43 percent of marriages end in separation or divorce within 6 years.
Nor does the soul mate quest necessarily produce a happy marriage, experts said. The belief that there is only one Perfect Mate for a person sets unrealistic expectations for marriages and often can lead to divorce, they said.
They are still romantic and idealistic, still want to find their soul mate and have the marriage of their dreams, so that's very good", said Diane Sollee, the founder and director of the Washington, D.C.-based Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education. "The bad news is if we keep operating on that premise, we will keep repeating the current trend of a very high divorce rate."
The Fear of Divorce and the hunt for a soul mate could explain the high rate of young Americans who live together before getting married, the survey said. Among those polled, 44 percent had lived together, at some time, with a partner of the opposite sex while not married.
Marriage was no longer associated with having children the way it once was, the survey said. Only 10 percent of young Americans saw having children as the main purpose of marriage, while 62 percent believed it was acceptable - although not ideal - for a woman to have a child on her own if she had not found the Right Man to Marry.
The soul-mate relationship also created tension when a couple had children, marriage experts said. "The soul-mate ideal intensifies the natural tension between adult desires and children's needs," the survey said.
In the 1960s, the singers "Sonny and Cher" had a popular song, I've Got You, Babe," whose main message was that money wasn't as important as love. Several years later, after Sonny and Cher had become very famous, had a T.V. show and all that, they split up. Musicians are always singing about love as if it were absolutely the most important thing in the world. But there are other people who act like money is the only thing that matters; sometimes they sacrifice friendship and romance in their quest for it. Even though some people say that money is more important than love, I believe the opposite is true.
Introduce one legitimate reason which could be given in support of the other opinion, explain this reasoning and then proceed to disprove it with examples, evidence and logic. The Goal of this paragraph is to sow doubt in the reader's mind concerning the view which is different from yours.
Rhetorically, this leaves the reader in a state of open-mindedness regarding what he/she is about to encounter--your argument for your thesis.
The main reason people often give to support their opinion that money is more important than love is because the basic necessities of life-food and shelter, for example - carry a real cost. Love won't do you much good at the supermarket counter when you need potatoes, rice, vegetables and fruit. If you send a little love note instead of your check for rent one month, you will see it doesn't do any good. But why do we eat and why do we care about having a roof over our heads? Think about sitting at the kitchen table eating alone, just looking at the walls or, if you're lucky, out the window. Is that really living? Aren't human beings created to share something together, learn from each other, communicate and express their feelings? Money means nothing without love.
First Proof
The first reason why I believe love trumps money is that love will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no love. Imagine a situation in which you and another person are deeply in love. One of you or both of you lose your jobs, a few months go by and soon your savings are gone. But every day, you greet each other with expressions of your love.
As the amount of food in the refrigerator decreases, your love for each other grows. It feeds you, spiritually and physically. When you make yourself a cup of coffee or tea, you naturally make another for the person you love.
You encourage each other every moment of every day, and because of this mutual support you are able to survive until the next paycheck comes.
Second Proof
The second reason why love is more important than money is that love can sustain and heal the human spirit. Imagine a very, very rich person who is slowly dying of some disease. Can a Busy Doctor heal him or her? Not completely. It always requires some form of love, too.
Nurses often supply this crucial ingredient of basic human love when they gently speak to the patient, clean him or her, administer medicine and simply show they care. Family members also are very important in the healing process for someone who is recovering from, for example, cancer.
Love is the Best Medicine in the world. It gives everyone a reason to live, a reason to work, a reason to keep going.
Without Love, there is nothing. We need to remember this as we go through our lives. We should never take love for granted. We should always nurture the feeling, so that it grows forever. Maybe this means smiling a little more often, or offering a helping hand when we see a need.
Maybe we ought to get more involved in our communities, working together with fellow human beings to improve the environment, our schools and the overall quality of life for everyone. If we look at the world through Eyes of Love, then our actions will be less selfish and the results will be more satisfying. Money is part of life, but love has the power to change our lives.
About the author:
Jeffrey Broobin is a free-lance writer on family and finance issues; his main goal is to help people during their complicated period of life. Website: http://www.legalhelpmate.com Email: jeffreyb@legalhelpmate.com
Seven Sets of Documents
You Need For Your Divorce
by: Scott Morgan
This article is designed to give someone who is considering or planning
for the possibility of divorce an idea of what documents are needed. Even
if you believe your case is ultimately agreed to and settled without a
trial, you will be in a much better position if you already have the
relevant documents in your possession. Better safe than sorry.
You should locate the relevant documents, make copies, and keep them
somewhere secure, like your office or with a friend. You will then have
access when it is needed.
Here are the most important seven categories of documents you should
focus on.
1. Income Documents
Your spouse's income is relevant to a number of issues in a divorce
case. At a minimum, get your spouse's last paycheck statement and your
most recent tax return. Ideally, you would have access to all tax returns
filed during the marriage, along with all supporting documents and
schedules.
2. Bank Records
The monthly bank statements are very important and can lead you to
other documents (cancelled checks, deposit slips, registers, etc.) that
you also may need to obtain. Get at least the most recent statement for
each account that is either held in your name, your spouse's name, or
jointly. If possible, get copies of all statements going back to the date
of marriage. In most cases this volume of records is not required, but in
some cases these records can be very helpful and even necessary to analyze
the case.
3. Retirement and Other Investment Records
Often the biggest asset a couple will own will be a 401k or pension
account. So you will definitely want the most recent account statement and
ideally all statements dating back to the time of marriage. Also, the last
statement prior to marriage can be very significant (especially in
community property states) to show the pre-marriage balance.
4. Credit Card statements
Again the most recent statements are a necessity, but a lot of
important evidence can be garnered from the historical statements. In some
cases, the credit card statements will show questionable transactions that
can be of real evidentiary value. For example, they might show evidence of
gifts or dinners purchased for paramours, questionable hotel rentals, or
other dubious purchases.
5. Real estate documents
The most important real estate documents are the Deed of Trust and
Warranty Deed for any property you currently own. If you have the entire
file from (the giant stack of paper you got after the closing) for each
real estate purchase or refinance transaction during the marriage it can
be helpful. Additionally, documents evidencing real estate owned by either
spouse prior to marriage can be significant, especially in community
property states.
6. Mortgage statements & any Other Debts
You should get the most recent statements showing the current payoff
balance for any other debts. For those debts that have only a coupon book
with no regularly generated statements showing the current balance, you
will probably need to contact the creditor by phone for the current payoff
information.
7. Relevant emails or other correspondence
Correspondence or emails can be extremely helpful (or damaging,
depending on your viewpoint) pieces of evidence in the case. Whether the
communication is between spouses or between a spouse and some third-party,
the communication is potentially relevant. Two common examples would be
where your spouse makes a damaging admission about some issue in the case,
or communications with paramours.
Conclusion
Determining which documents you need to obtain for your divorce case
can be a very time-consuming and daunting task. Use this list as a
starting point and discuss your situation with a quality divorce attorney.
This person should be able to advise you specifically on the documents you
need to obtain in order to protect your interests.
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