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"America�s Voiceless� The Children of Divorce

by: Susan Murphy-Milano

When people start a new relationship, it is as though Cinderella and her Prince stepped out of that childhood story. A more realistic way to look at it is to think of it as two people who are running for office, campaigning to be in the other person�s life. Forget that it is not who they will be later in life. We are too busy getting the other person to �choose us� so we can live happily ever after. There is, bad habits early on in the relationship we never see. For instance, leaving dirty clothes scattered, drinking directly out of the juice carton, putting a dirty knife back in the drawer and watching from around the corner as they lick it clean, washing is too much effort. Both sides hide their bad habits when they begin dating, because they are too busy running for the highest office in the country, ultimately the office of marriage and parenthood.

This fantasy life fades as people grow together in a relationship. Unfortunately, about sixty percent grow apart during the marriage.

When the marriage ends it is like a house set on fire. All desired hopes, dreams and commitment cherished by both sides, up in smoke. But, we forget that the child of this relationship has yet to lay the foundation of their lives.

Divorce on any level, is devastating. For children, their warm, safe world is suddenly shattered like a broken toy, in many pieces. When parents begin to divorce, do they really stop and think about the children? All too often, the children fall under the invisible heading of �power base� or worse yet, �negotiable�.

A child�s life during a divorce is like a roller coaster, going up minute and down the next. Parents are keeping score of their child�s affection as though they were at a sporting event. Both parents fear losing ground as though their competition, the other parent, chips away at there own individual �power base�. This is an automatic reaction during a divorce. If only parents would stop for a moment and realize, that children have unconditional love for each of them.

Children were not beamed down from space to earth. They were conceived and brought into this world with the greatest expectations, and most of all love. By two people the child calls mother and father. These two people have forgotten that being a parent, role model and teacher, means not putting down the other. Or using the children to emotionally beat up the �competition�. Because, being a parent is a privilege!

A divorce is like a funeral. Of course, there is no casket or service. But the process is the same.
�Funeral� services begin when the parties enter their lawyers office, (I call them legal funeral representatives) they help prepare for the death of their clients marriage.

The lawyers seek out personal, confidential information about you, only to file it in a public record for the world to see.

Attached to this public record filing is a detailed financial description, (yours) of personal property and assets acquired during the marriage.

Somewhere between page 11 or 15 of the divorce agreement, your children are listed, like an asset, by name and age. And on yet another page, you will find the �children�, stating who gets custody when, on what days, with specific times and for how long. Can�t forget the holiday schedules, this appears on yet another page of the divorce decree. This page looks more like a major event schedule, trading odd and even years off during the holidays.

If parents would think for a moment and get off their �power base�, they should be able to work out these very private details among themselves.

Months, and in some cases years later a judge, who I refer to as the coroner (no disrespect intended) sit before these strangers, in a court of law, with people who once vowed to love, honor and cherish each other all the days of their lives, ask if all parties are in agreement, with the tap of his gavel, signs the death certificate (known more commonly as the divorce decree.

I for one think this process is a crime. We allow total strangers to settle our once very happy lives. The greater crime, however, is the children, divided up among the parents like a piece of property. They are the �Voiceless Victims.�

� 2005 - Susan Murphy Milano http://www.movingoutmovingon.com

About the author:
Susan Murphy Milano, is a respected author and nationally recognized relationship expert.Her new book Moving Out,Moving On, when a relationship goes wrong is now available.Susan's quest for justice has been trumpted across the pages of newspapers, magazines, radio and televison, including, Oprah, CNN, MSCNBC, ABC, NBC, 20/20.http://www.movingoutmvoingon.com

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Seven Sets of Documents You Need For Your Divorce
by: Scott Morgan

This article is designed to give someone who is considering or planning for the possibility of divorce an idea of what documents are needed. Even if you believe your case is ultimately agreed to and settled without a trial, you will be in a much better position if you already have the relevant documents in your possession. Better safe than sorry.

You should locate the relevant documents, make copies, and keep them somewhere secure, like your office or with a friend. You will then have access when it is needed.

Here are the most important seven categories of documents you should focus on.

1. Income Documents

Your spouse's income is relevant to a number of issues in a divorce case. At a minimum, get your spouse's last paycheck statement and your most recent tax return. Ideally, you would have access to all tax returns filed during the marriage, along with all supporting documents and schedules.

2. Bank Records

The monthly bank statements are very important and can lead you to other documents (cancelled checks, deposit slips, registers, etc.) that you also may need to obtain. Get at least the most recent statement for each account that is either held in your name, your spouse's name, or jointly. If possible, get copies of all statements going back to the date of marriage. In most cases this volume of records is not required, but in some cases these records can be very helpful and even necessary to analyze the case.

3. Retirement and Other Investment Records

Often the biggest asset a couple will own will be a 401k or pension account. So you will definitely want the most recent account statement and ideally all statements dating back to the time of marriage. Also, the last statement prior to marriage can be very significant (especially in community property states) to show the pre-marriage balance.

4. Credit Card statements

Again the most recent statements are a necessity, but a lot of important evidence can be garnered from the historical statements. In some cases, the credit card statements will show questionable transactions that can be of real evidentiary value. For example, they might show evidence of gifts or dinners purchased for paramours, questionable hotel rentals, or other dubious purchases.

5. Real estate documents

The most important real estate documents are the Deed of Trust and Warranty Deed for any property you currently own. If you have the entire file from (the giant stack of paper you got after the closing) for each real estate purchase or refinance transaction during the marriage it can be helpful. Additionally, documents evidencing real estate owned by either spouse prior to marriage can be significant, especially in community property states.

6. Mortgage statements & any Other Debts

You should get the most recent statements showing the current payoff balance for any other debts. For those debts that have only a coupon book with no regularly generated statements showing the current balance, you will probably need to contact the creditor by phone for the current payoff information.

7. Relevant emails or other correspondence

Correspondence or emails can be extremely helpful (or damaging, depending on your viewpoint) pieces of evidence in the case. Whether the communication is between spouses or between a spouse and some third-party, the communication is potentially relevant. Two common examples would be where your spouse makes a damaging admission about some issue in the case, or communications with paramours.

Conclusion

Determining which documents you need to obtain for your divorce case can be a very time-consuming and daunting task. Use this list as a starting point and discuss your situation with a quality divorce attorney. This person should be able to advise you specifically on the documents you need to obtain in order to protect your interests.

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