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Love at first sight?

by: Rion Williams

Yes, men think so...or is it 'lust' at first sight? How can a woman or man 'really' know?

If a woman thinks it is 'love at first sight', she may have found an incredibly 'hot' guy who matches her ideal social persona 'catch'. If this guy actually knows how to be a natural, all women will want him and she will have to fight with others to 'keep him' (I can teach you to be this man).

Otherwise most of them appear to be quite boring because they try to impress her and don't 'get it'. But when dealing with 'love at first sight', yes it might be, but then longer term dynamics start to sink in and kind of spoil it.

Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder, I mean, beholder.

'Love at first sight' is usually only perceptionally based if not in its entirety. No one can match up ideally to one person's expectation of who they are or who they should be. Once you find out more about them, you're going to be disappointed in what you thought they were. See how selfish we as people really are?!

Eventually you go through the hardships of a 'real' relationship and very very rarely will everything work out perfectly where the people are a real match (at least in our highly developed, opinionated, individualistic cultural society).

You are only throwing your perception or ideals on who you think that person is or should be (I have done this a lot in the past). We want a person to be the ideal match to what WE think they should be. Most often if not all the time, we find out they are not actually what we idealized and then are a little disappointed. A real relationship is going to take a lot of work and a lot more work than two 'simpler' people.

If you can spark attraction shortly after you meet a woman, there is a more realistic chance she will feel deeper emotions for you than her social persona (of what states what she says she wants) and she will often forgive your other misgivings as long as you understand natural attraction.

This is actually very generous of her because now, guys (way) below her level physically actually have a chance. The process of attraction is slightly different for men and women.

Men will often instantly disqualify women for a sexual relationship based on their looks (ahem), while women keep an open mind to see who knows how to make them 'feel' the feelings that they respond to so powerfully physiologically and emotionally. They are interested in a mans character attributes because that are things that can be of interest for the long haul.

These feelings have a biological root which she cannot choose or control. This is why an average looking guy who 'get's it' can have more of a chance than a good looking guy who easily proves himself wrong to her right away.

She will resent that most of her counterparts do not 'get it' yet but will be open to starting something with a man who finally can just 'lead her through' the natural process of attraction...then often sex 'just happened' or she got 'swept away'..this is the way it is supposed to be and that she fantasizes about (and reads in those sappy romance novels).

Don't be thrown off by what a woman says she wants if you are not that social reflection of her consciousness yourself, she is programmed biologically to react to men who are true naturals with her or who display aspects of being a natural. Do not let that stop you. Her biological inheritance (when in tandem with a true natural man) will override ANY social programming she may have, as long as he maintains true congruency and doesn't 'screw it up'.

If you are a natural you probably won't screw it up when you are reaching that part of her (there is much more leniency here). If you are 'walking on egg shells' by trying to be 'qualified' by her social persona, it's virtually a guarantee you'll screw it up even with any small move. Take the very ending of 'Boat Trip' where Roselyn Sanchez says to the wussy Cuba Gooding, Jr. character, "Ok, but you BETTER not screw it up."

Sure the movie ends with a kiss but who has the control here? Whose reality is he in? Love at first sight, but he is based in the wrong paradigm of 'being' that he WILL screw it up because of the power dynamics and several other factors (she is in control by far).

In fact, you will almost put aside the entire notion of 'love at first sight' because it's too romancey for you (although you may secretly keep that dream alive); but you understand reality a little more, that different relationships with different women are going to give you different experiences.

Of course you may be aware of lust at first sight with women you see most everywhere you go, but you really have to get to know her more to find out who she is, otherwise it is all just perception.

If you can develop yourself to look as good as you can and get your internal paradigm and life straight and clear, then you can naturally accelerate the process of attracting women and starting things with little effort. Your focus should really be on developing yourself and living in a natural paradigm, while denying all of the perceptual B.S. that is going on. Be an interesting and intriguing man and improve yourself; HAVE something to offer women who are lucky enough.

Your 'love at first sight' from their point of view only happens if you match their social ideal (and traditional ideal of Prince Charming) and then know how to take everything from there...then all women will want you. You do not have to be Prince Charming..that is another article, but remember how you relate to her says everything. She needs to be turned up like a volume knob and you have to interact with her to spark the process of sexual attraction and her interest will grow in you...through time, may lead to infatuation, love, great respect, devotion, passion, etc. from her.

It is all in how you relate to her so don't pay too much attention to having to have Brad Pitt looks, with Soros' bank account...that's the same as you wanting to date a supermodel, except you probably have a better chance than she does to meet your ideal because there are so few men left who really get it and are a great catch in their own right (with some nice social status to boot).

There are countless beautiful women. The advantage and favor is in YOUR hands. There are few men left who are awesome catches AND who know how to deal with these women. Make women want you just by being your true self at all times; an interesting, funny, great guy and know how to take it from there (I can help you there as well).

About the author:
Rion Williams offers a free newsletter subscription on how to have 'natural success with women' and dating.

You can sign up for the free newsletter just by visiting his website 'http://www.mensguidetowomen.com/E_player.htm'
You will receive some free bonuses as well and you can then read about his 352 page unabridged
'Men's Guide to Women' instantly downloadable eBook. It will change the way you think about dating and women forever.

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Dating Advice: Love Shouldn't Hurt
by: Terry Hernon MacDonald

"Because when pain has been intertwined with love and closeness, it's very difficult to believe that love and closeness can be experienced without pain." -Gloria Steinem, "Revolution from Within."

If you tend to attract men who disappoint you (by cheating on you, not showing up when they say they will, or just refusing to get off the couch), you may be confusing love with pain.

So many of us have been brought up to believe that pain is normal, even expected, in a love relationship. Without it, the relationship seems flat, boring. We crave drama. (Why is it that so many women have great sex after a fight with a significant other?)

A happy, loving relationship eludes us because we don't recognize it when we see it, or because we simply believe it's not possible (News Flash: According to a recent Today Show, all men lie. All of them! I wasn't aware that men have a monopoly on lying or other bad behavior. I know some women who are breathtaking liars. Don't you?).

According to the media, men are incapable of remembering birthdays, being monogamous, getting through a weekend unless they're transfixed before a marathon of football games. Women internalize these messages: That's the way men are. That's the way life is. Get over it.

And while the media is happy to sell us the myth of the unattainable happy relationship, some of us have come to believe in it because of our own experiences.

Some of us:

(a) Had parents who treated each other indifferently, (b) had parents who outright hated each other, (c) had fathers who ignored us as children, (d) had a parent who suffered from alcoholism, (e) had mothers who would rather have been doing something else, or (f) had a parent who suffered from a mental illness.

And so, we learned to associate love with pain. It's all we knew.

Others among us grew up in perfectly happy homes with parents who loved each other and delighted in us, but we still managed to:

(a) Internalize negative messages we heard from our friends' parents who were unhappily married, or

(b) Internalize negative messages we saw elsewhere (I know a woman who, during her impressionable teenage years, babysat for a couple who gave each other the silent treatment and expected her to relay messages. She also babysat for another family, where the father once came home early and started reading a porn magazine!).

As a result of this programming, we set low bars for the behavior we'll accept from boyfriends or husbands. Hey, it's better than being alone, right?

Wrong.

If you're putting up with substandard behavior from men, make decision to stop. Refuse to date anybody until you attract a man who makes your happiness a priority. Trust me; such a man will come into your life and stay there.

Treat him as you have come to expect him to treat you, which means with affection, respect, and consideration. Does this sound boring to you? If it does, please examine your feelings about relationships and see if they haven't determined the kind of men you attract.

You see, once you stop dating men who disappoint you but excite you, you can make room for a guy who loves you the way you deserve to be loved--and who excites you. Love and excitement are important, but if they're accompanied by pain, something's wrong. You'll never be truly happy with a guy who lets you down.

Ask yourself, "Where did I ever get the idea that love has to hurt?"

Give yourself time to come up with the answers. Take stock of whether your relationship is worth saving. If you speak up, will it make a difference? If not, are you willing to make room for a man who will love you and make you laugh instead of cry for a change?