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Am I Really A Stroller-Monger?

by: David Leonhardt

By David Leonhardt

I was reading "A Modern Infant Armada", a humor column in Maclean's Magazine written by a fellow humor columnist. Writing about it now is a bit like a painter painting another painter or a singer singing about another singer (but it not like a cook cooking another cook.).

David Russell (yes, another humor columnist named David) laughs at his neighbor for parking both cars in the driveway to make room in the garage for four strollers for just one child. I laughed with him. Four strollers for just one baby is ridiculous, right?

However, David Russell becomes a parent himself, a condition that afflicts many unsuspecting homo sapiens, and he concludes that a call to his neighbor is warranted: "I need to see if he can help me get a fleet rate."

"Traitor!" I cried out. "Stroller monger!"

"Who's a traitor?" my wife asked as she walked in the room. "And just what is a stroller monger."

I resisted the obvious answer � that a stroller monger is somebody who mongs strollers. "David Russell. He says that one stroller is enough for any child, but then he decides to buy an entire fleet."

"Say, we could have saved a bundle if we had applied for a fleet rate," my wife mused.

"What? We don't have four strollers."

My wife smiled. It was a sweet smile you could just fall in love with...if you did not know that it meant, "Oh yes we do!"

"We do not."

"My wife took out her counting fingers. "First there is the car seat," she said, pressing down the first finger. "We snap it into the stroller base whenever we go anywhere."

"OK, that's one."

"Then there is the SUV," she said, pressing down on a second finger. The "SUV" is a full sized stroller. We bought it when we were still squeezing it on a downtown apartment. With no storage space, it stood in the entrance area, blocking our path to the kitchen and any hope of escaping if the place caught fire. The SUV is the Hummer of strollers.

"OK, that is a stroller, I will grant you. But that's just two."

"We also have the fold-up stroller," my wife said, pressing down a third finger.

"But she's not even using it yet."

"She will soon and we have it now," my wife pointed out. "Then there is the old fold-up stroller we kept as a backup. That makes four."

"You can't count duplicates. That's double counting."

"It takes double the space," my wife insisted. "We have four strollers.

I stared in silence. Slowly it sunk in. Yes, there were two Davids who were humor columnists, but there were also two Davids who were stroller-mongers.

Uh-oh. My wife was smiling again. She was watched for just the right moment to strike. "Our baby has more seats in this house than anybody else has."

"That's ridiculous." No sooner had the words left my mouth than I remembered the boomerang rule. Words like ridiculous, ludicrous, silly, stupid and big mouth usually apply only to the person who speaks them.

My wife rhymed off our seats, "Three on the couch, two chairs in the living room, six in the kitchen, one in the bathroom and one at each of our desks. Plus the three red chairs Little Lady has in the living room. That makes 17."

"Ha!" I knew it couldn't be true.

Then came that deadly sweet smile again, the smile that said, "Take my hand while I lead you around the house to see why you should think first and shout 'Aha!' later."

In the kitchen stood the high chair and the sit-in play saucer. In her office sat the rocking chair that never rocked and the bouncy chair that never bounced. There was the swing seat, and there were two cushion seats for sitting upright on the floor. She opened the door to the enclosed porch, and there were the four strollers and the car seat she would soon be using.

"That makes 12," my wife tallied. "We each have fewer than six."

I thought really hard. "Aha!" I said again, proudly pointing out that this time I had thought first and shouted 'Aha!' later.. "We have three chairs on the balcony, and six on the patio. There are also six folding chairs for the fire pit."

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and there was no reason to forget all the outdoors furniture at a time like this. Unfortunately, there was no reason to forget arithmetic, either. Our baby still had the most seats in the house � and outside the house, too.

"Uh, do toilet seats count?"

My wife smiled her sweet smile again, a smile that could only mean, "So, stroller monger, what do you have to say for yourself now?"

I knew that another humor columnist named David had just been labeled a traitor. Meekly, I mumbled. "Lawn tractor seat?"

About the author:
David Leonhardt publishes The Happy Guy humor column:

Read his humor articles:

Visit his home page:

David is owner of The Liquid Vitamin Supplements Store:

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Baby Cold Symptoms and How to Give Care
by: Leroy Chan

Remember how miserable you felt when you last had a cold? Can you imagine what your baby must feel when he experiences a cold for the first time?

Viruses are responsible for causing colds. Infected people spread the viruses when they sneeze or cough nearby healthy people. The virus gets into the nose and throat where it multiplies.

What Are The Symptoms?

When your baby has a cold, there will be a number of symptoms. He will be sneezing and have a runny nose. He may have a sore throat and it may be difficult for him to swallow. His glands may become swollen.

He may not feel like eating much and he could become irritable. A cough may develop. He may get a slight fever or have a body temperature of 101 to 102 degrees Fahrenheit.

When to Seek Medical Advice

If your baby is three months old or less and has cold like symptoms, you should contact a pediatrician immediately. Cold like symptoms in a baby three months old or less are misleading and could lead to a serious ailment.

On the other hand, if your child is more than three months old you should contact a doctor if you notice that he is breathing loudly and his nostrils expand out with each breath. His nails or lips are becoming blue. His mucus is thick, runny and green. He has a cough that hasn�t gone a way for more than a week. His ears ache. His temperature is more than 102 degrees Fahrenheit. He has become more drowsy or grouchy.

How to Care For Your Baby

Medical experts tell us there is no cure for the common cold. However, there are ways to alleviate the miserable symptoms your baby undergoes.

Make sure he gets plenty of rest and extra fluids. If he has a fever, give him acetaminophen or if he�s older that six months he may take ibuprofen (but don�t give it to your baby if he is dehydrated or continuously vomiting).

If your child has a cough and is under three years old, don�t give him a cough suppressing medicine unless it was prescribed by a pediatrician. Coughing rids the lower respiratory tract of mucus.

If your baby has nasal congestion, you can use a rubber suction bulb to draw out the mucus from his nostrils. If the mucus is too thick, you can apply saline nose drops to soften the mucus before extracting with the bulb. A humidifier can also be used in the baby�s room to help liquefy the nasal secretions.

Concluding Thoughts

The best way for your baby to avoid a cold is to not have him near people who are infected. But if your baby gets a cold, the best thing you can do is make it comfortable for him. Soon his cold symptoms will disappear and he�ll be back to health, that is, until the next episode. But by now you�ll be ready for that, won�t you?

To learn more about newborns and what you can expect during your baby�s first year visit: http://www.firstyearbabyadvice.com

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