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2-Business Articles
3-Business_Articles/
4-Cars
5-Children_Articles
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7=Computers_Articles
8-Debt_Website
9-Education_Articles
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11-Fashion_Articles
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13-Food_Articles
14-Health_Articles
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17-Loans_Website
18-Reference Articles

Articles Collection Part 2

19-accounting
20-acne
21-adsense
22-advertising
23-aerobics
24-affiliate
25-alternative
26-articles
27-attraction
28-audio-streaming
29auto-care
30-auto-parts
31-autoresponder
32-aviation
33-babies-toddler
34-baby
35-bankruptcy
36-bathroom
37-beauty
38-bedroom
39-blogging
40-body-building
41-book-marketing
42-book-review
43-branding
44-breast-cancer
45-broadband-internet
46-business
47-business-loan
48-business-plan
49-cancer
50-car-buying
car-51-insurance
52-car-loan
53-car-maintenance
54-career
55-cars
56-casino
57-cell-phone
58-chat
59-christmas
60-claims
61-coaching
62-coffee
63-college-university
64-computer-pc-tips
65-cooking
66-cooking-tips
67-copywriting
68-cosmetics
69-craft
70-creative-writing
71-credit
72-credit-cards
73-credit-repair
74-currency-trading
75-data-recovery
76-dating
77-debt-relief
78-diabetics
79-diet
80-digital-camera
81=diving
82-divorce
83-domain
84-driving-tips
85-ebay
86-ebook
87-ecommerce
88-email-marketing
89-emarketing
90-essay
91-ezine
92-fashion
93-finance
94-fishing
95-fitness
96-flu
97-furniture
98-gambling
99-gardening
100-golf
101-google
102-gps
103-hair
104-hair-loss
105-hdtv
106-health-insurance
107-heart-disease
108-hobbies
109-holiday
110-home-business
111-home-improvement
112-home-organization
113-interior-design
114-internet-tips
115-investment
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148-seo
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165-website-traffic
166-wedding
167-weight
168-wine
169-women
170-writng-tips

Articles Collection Part 3

171-+BONUS-ARTICLES
172-/ 25 Home Business PLR Articles
173- / 25DatingRelationshipsPLRArticles0613
174- / 25InternetMarketingPLRArticles
175-Affiliate-Marketers
176-After School Activities
177-Articles-Marketing
178-Baby
179-Blogging
180-Car-Rental
181-Car-Stereo
182-Cell-Phone
183-Coin Collecting
184-Credit Card
185-Depression
186-Diamonds
187-Diet PLR Articles
188-Digital-Camera
189-eZine Marketing
190-Family Budget
191-Fishing
192-Gardening
193-Golf
194-Google Sense
195-Home Schooling
196-Home-Theater
197-Job Search
198-Making Money With Articles
199-monsterplr15000articles
200-New-York
201-Newport Beach
202-Opt-In-List
203-Paint Ball
204-Podcasting
205-San Diego
206-Scotch
207-Ski vacations
208-Collectibles Sports Car
209-Web Design
210-Web-Traffic


Articles Collection Part 4
211-Adsense
212-Advertising
213-Affiliate Marketing
214-Affiliate Marketing On The Internet
215-Affiliate Success
216-Affiliate-Marketers
217-After School Activities
218-Air Purifiers
219-alternative energy
220-American History
221-Art Auctions
222-Articles-Marketing
223-Articles250
224-artmarketing
225-AspenNightlife
226-Astronomy
227-Atkins Diet
228-ATV
229-autism_articles
230-Auto Navigation Systems
231-Auto Responders
232-Auto sound systems
233-Auto-Leasing
234-Autoresponders
235-Baby
236-Backyard Activities
237-Bargain Hunting
238-Bathroom Remodeling
239-BBQs
240-Beach Vacations
241-Beach-Vacations
242-Beauty
243-biography
244-Black History
245-Blog Marketing
246-Blogging
247-Blogs
248-Bluetooth Technology
249-Breast Feeding
250-business
251-Buying A Boat
252-Buying Paintings
253-Candle Making
254-Car-Rental
255-Car-Stereo
256-Carpet
257-Cats
258-CD duplication
259-Cell-Phone
260-Choosing the Right Golf Clubs
261-Christmas Shopping
262-Cigars
263-Closet Organizers
264-Coin Collecting
265-College Scholarship
266-COMPUTER GAMES & SYSTEMS
267-COMPUTERS, LAPTOPS, SMARTPHONES
268-Contact Lenses
269-Cooking
270-copywriting
271-Craigslist
272-creating an online business
273-Credit Card
274-Credit Cards
275-criminology
276-Cruise Ships
277-Dance
278-Data Recovery
279-Dating Women
280-Decorating for Christmas
281-Dental Assistant
282-Depression
283-Diamonds
284-Diesel VS Gasoline vehicles
285-Diesel-VS-Gasoline-vehicles
286-Dieting
287-Digital-Camera
288-Disneyland
289-Dogs
290-eBay
291-Education
292-elliptical trainers
293-Email Marketing
294-entrepreneur
295-Excavation Equipment
296-Excavation-Equipment
297-Exercise
298-eZine Marketing
299-Family Budget
300-Fashion
301-finance_and_insurance
302-Fishing
303-Fitness
304-foods and bevarages
305-Forex
306-Formula D Racing
307-Fruit Trees
308-Fruit-Trees
309-Gambling
310-Garage Remodeling
311-Gardening
312-general
313-Golden Retriever
314-Golden-Retriever
315-Golf
316-Google Sense
317-googleadsense
318-Government
319-Health_Insurance_articles
320-Healthy Eating
321-High Definition Video Cameras
322-High-Definition-Video-Cameras
323-Hiking and Camping
324-Hobby Articles
325-Holiday Games & Activities
326-home and constructions
327-home decorating
328-Home Schooling
329-Home Security
330-Home Theater Systems
331-Home-Theater
332-Hunting
333-hypoallergenic dogs
334-International Airports
335-investing
336-Ipod Video
337-Ipod-Video
338-Jewelry-Wholesale
339-JewelryWhsl
340-Job Search
341-junior golf
342-Kitchen
343-Kitchen Remodeling
344-Koi
345-La Jolla California
346-La-Jolla-California
347-Las Vegas
348-Law
349-Law_order_crime
350-Making Money With Articles
351-Marketing
352-Marketing Your Business On The Internet
353-Martial Arts
354-medicines_and_healthcare
355-Membership Sites
356-Mexico Vacations
357-Microbrews
358-Mini Blinds or Wood Shutters
359-Mini-Blinds-or-Wood-Shutters
360-mobility scooters
361-Monograms
362-Motor Homes
363-Motorcycles and Scooters
364-Mountain Biking
365-Myspace
366-New Air Travel Rules
367-New Years Eve Party Planning
368-New York
369-Newport Beach
370-Niche Marketing
371-Nursing Assistant
372-Office Chairs
373-Online Shopping
374-OptInList
375-Outsourcing Ebooks and Software Jobs
376-Paint Ball
377-Personal Loans
378-pet health care
379-Pets
380-pH Miracle Diet
381-Photography
382-Podcasting
383-politics
384-Pool Accessories
385-Porsche
386-Power Tools
387-Pre-Paid Legal
388-Private Jet Charters
389-Private Label Resell Rights
390-Private Yacht Charters
391-Rawfood
392-RC Hobbies
393-Re-Financing
394-Real Estate
395-Reference
396-remote control helicopters
397-Renting A House Or Apartment
398-Retirement Planning
399-San Diego
400-SanFransisco
401-Satellite Radio
402-Satellite-Radio
403-Scotch
404-Seattle
405-Self Improvement Articles
406-Self-Help
407-Show Business
408-ski vacations
409-Skiing Locations
410-Skincare
411-SkVacations
412-Sleepingbaby
413-Snowboarding
414-Snowmobiling
415-Social Networking
416-Sports
417- collection Sports Car
418-St. Thomas Vacations
419-Summer Vacations
420-Supercross Racing
421-Superfoods
422-Surround Sound
423-Swimming Pools
424-Swimming-Pools
425-Tattoos
426-tech_gadgets
427-Tennis
428-Thanksgiving Party Articles
429-Theater Arts
430-Time-Share Investments
431-TootAche-ToothCare
432-Toothache and Tooth Care
433-Top Golfing Accessories
434-Tracking Software
435-Travel Tips To European Countries
436-UniversalStudioTours
437-Vacuum Cleaners
438-Vacuum-Cleaners
439-Valentines Day
440-Vegetarian
441-Video Sites
442-video streaming
443-Vitamins
444-Vitamins and Supplements
445-WAHM
446-Wart Removal
447-Web Design
448-Web-Traffic
449-webtraffic
450-Wedding Favors
451-Wedding Games & Activities
452-Weight Lloss
453-Weight Loss
454-Wine And Spirits
455-Womens Issues
456-yoga
457-YouTube

# Country
1 Afghanistan
2 Albania
3 Algeria
4 Andorra
5 Angola
6 Antigua and Barbuda
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39 Comoros
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41 Costa Rica
42 Croatia
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44 Cyprus
45 Czechia (Czech Republic)
46 Democratic Republic of the Congo
47 Denmark
48 Djibouti
49 Dominica
50 Dominican Republic
51 Ecuador
52 Egypt
53 El Salvador
54 Equatorial Guinea
55 Eritrea
56 Estonia
57 Eswatini (fmr. "Swaziland")
58 Ethiopia
59 Fiji
60 Finland
61 France
62 Gabon
63 Gambia
64 Georgia
65 Germany
66 Ghana
67 Greece
68 Grenada
69 Guatemala
70 Guinea
71 Guinea-Bissau
72 Guyana
73 Haiti
74 Holy See
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77 Iceland
78 India
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82 Ireland
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84 Italy
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86 Japan
87 Jordan
88 Kazakhstan
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90 Kiribati
91 Kuwait
92 Kyrgyzstan
93 Laos
94 Latvia
95 Lebanon
96 Lesotho
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98 Libya
99 Liechtenstein
100 Lithuania
101 Luxembourg
102 Madagascar
103 Malawi
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105 Maldives
106 Mali
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108 Marshall Islands
109 Mauritania
110 Mauritius
111 Mexico
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113 Moldova
114 Monaco
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117 Morocco
118 Mozambique
119 Myanmar (formerly Burma)
120 Namibia
121 Nauru
122 Nepal
123 Netherlands
124 New Zealand
125 Nicaragua
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128 North Korea
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135 Panama
136 Papua New Guinea
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138 Peru
139 Philippines
140 Poland
141 Portugal
142 Qatar
143 Romania
144 Russia
145 Rwanda
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149 Samoa
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152 Saudi Arabia
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154 Serbia
155 Seychelles
156 Sierra Leone
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159 Slovenia
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164 South Sudan
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184 Ukraine
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188 Uruguay
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How To Be A Simply Irresistible Salesperson
by: Nancy Powers

How To Be A Simply Irresistible Salesperson!   by Nancy M. Powers       Ever notice how some people have a certain energy about them that naturally attracts success. What is their magic secret? Who you are personally shows up in your sales approach. It's a big mistake to think that you can fool people when you are not coming for the right place. It's the subtle subconscious clues that you send your prospect that can make or break your sale.

Let's face it - People buy from people they trust. People trust people who are like them. The more you behave like your prospect the more they will trust you. This is the core of relationships.

Much research has been done on the determining factors of creating rapport with prospects. It's not what you say that counts, it's how you say it. These are the three components in communication for developing rapport. Words, Voice qualities and Physiology. These three elements equal 100%. What's your best guess on the breakdown?

Your words are only 7% of your communication. Your voice qualities are 38% and your physiology is 55%. That means that what you say is the least significant. How you say it and how your carry your body are the most important factors in your ability to create rapport with your prospect.

It's important to speak your prospects language. You already know how to be who you are - it takes an elegant persuader to care enough about the other person to enter their world. Everyone wears different glasses to perceive the world. Your job is to find out what glasses they are wearing and speak to your prospect about your services with their glasses on. When someone feels like you understand them, their trust level goes up significantly and are more likely to buy.

There are three basic types of people Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic. Identify which one your prospect is and enter their world. Keep in mind in different circumstances people are all three. People tend to favor one more than the others. You use both of your hands, but tend to favor one more than the other.

Selling Strategies for the Visual Person

Visual people tend to look upwards, speak rapidly and have high levels of energy. They love to look good and will usually dress to perfection. Visual people love visual information. They speak in visual terms and they want you to do likewise. They love to see the goods, not talk about them. The look of the goods is vitally important in assisting them to make a positive buying decision.

Keep this overview in mind as we present you with a picture on how to highlight your presentations to Visuals in a way that is both illuminating and compelling at the same time. Can you see what we are looking for?

1. For a visual prospect, a picture is truly worth a thousand words. Use charts, graphs, photos, and slides. Reinforce your presentation by using the blackboard. Bring videos if you have them.

2. Use visual words to pace their information gathering process. Develop beautiful pictures through your language. Use phrases in summation and closing like, "Is that clear to you?," "Imagine how this will...." or "How does this look to you?"

3. Glance upward occasionally. If you want your customer to imagine something or think visually, you can guide them to access visually. Looking upward will enhance their ability to form lasting mental pictures.

4. Write things down for your visual client throughout the sales call. Write important points down as you summarize. Encourage them to take notes. When you close the sale with a visual client write everything down so they can see the agreement.

5. Dressing professionally is important with any client. It is especially important with the visual client who will look for the "image" you have created with your clothes and your briefcase.

6. Visual clients "notice" everything. Pay attention to detail and the way things look. The package is as important as the product to Visuals.

7. And last, but most importantly, paint vivid and compelling pictures. The more vivid the picture, the more powerful the influence.

Selling Strategies for the Auditory Person

Auditory people tend to be more centered. Their eyes tend to move with their ears. Auditory people love auditory information. They speak in auditory terms and they want you to do likewise. They love to hear about your product, not necessarily see it. What others have said about your product is very valuable information.

Record this information in your mind so you tune in to your auditory prospect. Give them an earful of persuasion and listen to them to ask you for more. Can you hear what we are saying? Are we beginning to sing the same tune?

1. Use auditory words and phrases like, "Does that sound good to you?", "Are we in harmony on this?", "Shall I speak more directly about the facts and statistics?" or "This plate stamping machine is twice as quiet as the one you now have."

2. Quote testimonials and endorsements with your auditory clients. Auditory people think in "words" rather than feelings or pictures. They love to hear what other people have to say about your products or services.

3. Use your voice to hold the Auditory's attention. Change tone, volume, pitch and speech rate to verbally emphasize and enhance your sales points. Auditory prospects will pay as much attention, if not more, to how you speak as to what you say.

4. Tell the auditory customer lots of stories. Story telling in sales is powerful with everyone, and it is especially important with auditory prospects.

5. If you have to send them some information they often will not enjoy reading a brochure, so send a cassette tape outlining benefits, features etc. Use all the verbal information you can to move the sale forward. Get audio tapes into the hands and ears of your auditory leads right away. If your company does TV or radio advertising, ask your auditory client if they have heard your latest ads.

6. Have frequent telephone conversations with your auditory prospects. Even a brief call will mean a great deal to them.

7. Summarize agreements verbally after closing, using such a phrase as : "We are speaking about (summarize details.)" Remember, the Auditory hears everything. Give them exciting and motivating words that will play in their internally driven tape player long after the sales call is through.

8. It is important to know that auditory people find it hard to look at you and listen to what you are saying, so give them subconscious approval for looking away, by not demanding eye contact. They need to concentrate on what they hear and that's why they look away from you. Also, don't speak to rapidly or you will lose them.

Selling Strategies for the Kinesthetic Person

Kinesthetic people are more low keyed, typically the like to look down to connect with their feelings. Kinesthetic people love kinesthetic information. They react to kinesthetic terms and they want you to do likewise. They love to touch the goods, so let them get their hands all over the product. They must absolutely feel good about their decision, so help them get in touch with their feelings.

Grasp the important points in this section as we drive home the hard hitting strategies that work long and hard in putting deals together with the Kinesthetic. When these strategies sink in and you feel good about using them to nail down transactions with the Kinesthetic, you will have reached another plateau.

1. Use Kinesthetic words and phrases like, "Are you comfortable with this?", "How do you feel about that?" or "Do you need a more concrete example?" Talk about common interests, sports, family and let them know you care about their feelings. They want to know that you care about them and you are their friend.

2. Meet face to face with Kinesthetic clients. Don't rely too much on phone calls or written communication. They crave the head to head, belly to belly feeling that only one on one communication can give. Match them: if they have their jacket off, their tie loosened, do the same. They typically like to dress comfortably.

3. Get the kinesthetic physically involved with your presentation. Have them mark up your brochure. Have them walk through your proposal. If you are demonstrating a product they can use, encourage them to test the product out to find how it feels. Encourage them to hold the product, use the computer, feel the car finish, touch the rock fireplace, walk around the yard, stroke the leather seats get comfortable on the couch, etc. Make sure they are always physically comfortable. If they are not, they won't stay "with" your presentation.

4. Tell moving, emotionally based stories about your product and, most importantly, about the impact of your product or service on people just like them. Strongly communicate your emotional commitment to your product, to what you are selling. Then link commitment to your commitment to serving them.

5. Glance downwards occasionally. Kinesthetic people will intuitively pick it up and know that you are emotionally involved in your product. You can also guide them to access their feelings by glancing down and getting them to follow your lead. Typically, they are not comfortable with constant eye contact.

6. Kinesthetic people often like to be touched. They shake hands forever, often with the old "two-handed, let's hold this contact for a long, long time" approach. Since this is so appealing to them, an occasional pat on the back will fire off strong positive feelings. When you close the sale or come to some major commitment, shake hands on it. That gesture means a lot to a Kinesthetic person.

Here are some words you can listen for to identify your prospects style and use in your presentations.

Visual Auditory Kinesthetic amplify active appears announce bearable blurry articulate boils down to bright ask callous clarify audible chip off the old block clear call cold clear cut chime come to grips with clue clear as a bell comfortable conspicuous communicate concrete demonstrate converse control distinct describe in detail cool dream discuss deep examine divulge emotional eye to eye earful experience foresee exclaim feel fuzzy express yourself firm get a perspective give an account of firm foundation glance at give me your ear get a handle on hazy (idea) gossip get your goat horse of a different color grant an audience grab idea harmonize grasp illustrate hear (me out) grip imagine hold your tongue hand in hand in light of listen hands on in view of loud and clear hang in there inspect noise hard-headed look outspoken hassle mental picture overhear hold mind's eye pay attention to hustle notice quiet intuition obscure quoted involve observe rings a bell lay your cards on the table obvious roar lose outstanding say lukewarm paint a picture scream not following you perceive shout pressure picture shrill pull some strings pinpoint silence push read sing rough read sound seized realize speak sense recognize squeal sharp scrutinize state slipped my mind see suggest soft see to it talk solid show tell stand out sight to tell the truth start from scratch sign tone stress sparkling clean tongue-tied strong stare tuned out support survey unheard of tap tunnel vision utter test up front vocal tied up vague voiced an opinion touch view well-informed tough vision whisper unbearable watch within hearing range uptight well-defined word for word warm witness yell wear

Your prospect wants to know that you care about them. It is very easy for a salesperson to sell their product or service based on their values. Your values are what sold you to sell your product. Your prospects values for buying may not be the same as your values. It is critical that you take the time to find out your prospects values, and what needs to happen in order for them to experience that value around your product.

1.How to determine someone's values. Ask your prospect "What is most important to you about buying ______? Request the top three values and put them in order of importance.

2. How to determine someone's rules or evidence procedure. Ask your prospect "What has to happen in order for you to know you have that result."

For example let's say you are selling cars. You ask your prospect - "What is most important to you about buying a car? " Your prospect replies -"I want a car that looks good, that is reasonably priced and gets good mileage." You ask your prospect - "What's most important the cars looks or the price?" He says "price." You reply "What's more important the mileage or the looks?" he say "The looks."

Now you know three very important things about your prospect - 1. Price is most important 2. Looks are his second value 3. The mileage is his third priority.

Now you ask "How do you know when a car is reasonable priced?" He says - "It's not more than $20,000." You ask "How do you know if the car looks good?" He says "When I get in the car I picture how I will look in it." You ask "How do you know when a car gets good mileage?" He says I take long road trips and 25-30 miles per gallon is good.

Now that you have all that information about your client you have eliminated all the guesswork and can appeal to his real values. Your prospect feels like you care about him because you took the time to ask a few simple questions. This strategy is like playing a dart game and scoring a bulls eye consistently, versus wishing and hoping that you will find out what is most important to your prospect.

With that information you know exactly what to focus on with your prospect versus focusing on what you think he values most. Not only is it clear in your mind you have made it clear for them in their mind. Your prospect is much more prone to say yes when he is more certain about what he wants.

Speak to his values in the order he placed and pay close attention to his evidence procedure for getting those values met. He has given you the combination to unlock his buying strategy. When your prospect indicates his second value is looks is giving you a clue that he may be visual. You would speak to him in visual terms.

Lastly, you want to attract sales, instead of chasing, selling, promoting, seducing or going after it. Attraction is when people come to you. Selling, promoting, seducing and chasing is when you go after them. When you set up your life for sales to come to you invite effortless success into your life.

How to set up your life for irresistible attraction:

1. Eliminate Adrenaline . People relate adrenaline to success. Nothing can be farther from the truth. Adrenaline is a source of energy. Humans will go to any length to get the quickest easiest source of energy. Adrenaline produces energy - not the healthiest source, but it is continually available. It is not attractive to always be on the go and looking at your watch for your next appointment. People want to feel that you are 100% present with them. Stop rushing and speeding to get to your next client. When you show up harried with too many things on your plate, you take away from your ability to attract.

2. Bump Your Self Care Up To First Class. Take extraordinary care of yourself. People spend more time and money on their cars then themselves. Do things daily that add to your vitality and energy. ie. walk, drink more water, breathing exercises, stretch, eat healthy foods, validate your accomplishments and increase your self esteem, etc.

3. Eliminate Incomplete's and Tolerations From Your Life. Resolve your problems. Set up your life so that you stop creating more problems. Begin to solve problems for a lifetime. Stop putting out the fire of the day and eliminate the fires from ever starting again. Restore your integrity. Be 100% responsible and accountable for your life. Eliminate the holes in your life. Where are you being depleted? By whom? Plug up the holes in your life. Attraction can't find you until you're ready. Get ready.

4. Communicate Constructively. Communicate constructively in every communication. Say nothing but the very best. Eliminate gossip from your life. Let people know you are really listening to them. Let people you know you "get them". Listen to who they are not just what they are saying. Always tell the truth. This means more than not lying. There is a level of telling the truth that will truly set you free and attract others to you. Increasing your awareness, language and reserves will afford you any consequences of telling the truth.

5. Create Reserves In Every Area Of Your Life. When you have reserves you are always at choice. When you have reserves you can fully respond to your life versus reacting. Reserves of money, prospects, time, energy, opportunities, love, etc. You need much more then you think you need. The process of creating reserves will strengthen you. When you have abundant reserves, you'll become an even stronger magnet for what you want - because you won't need it.

6. Deliver It All. Always under promise. Even under promise what you know you can deliver. Deliver 20% more. Be anticipatory. Start fulfilling needs others haven't even thought of yet. Open up conversations for service in areas other's haven't thought of. Create demand. Add value to whomever or whatever you encounter. We all have something to add. Add it. When you add what you have to other's lives, you become much more attractive.

7. Show That You Care. Want a lot for others, perhaps even more than they want for themselves. Then share it. Tell people who they are no just what they do. Remind them if necessary. Give genuine compliments. Release your attachment to the outcome. Be gracious and caring. Don't be in a situation where you need business to survive--buyers smell this and run.

8. Have A Strong Community. Have a strong professional network. Have resources that you can refer. Surround yourself with positive people that believe in you. Eliminate toxic people from your life. Be careful who you let into your tribe.

9. Be a Model. Be a walking example of the benefits of your product or service. Credibility can be instantly established when your prospects learns how much you personally enjoy your products or services.

10. Attitude Of Gratitude . When you are grateful for what you have, you get a whole lot more. Seek to serve instead of just seeking to sell. Lastly, Remember the mission and forget the commission.

Nancy M. Powers is a professional success coach, writer, and captivating keynote speaker. She is a results oriented coach with a money back guarantee. She coaches talented Ceos, Entrepreneurs and small business owners in their desire to cultivate themselves and their business by means of insightful and provocative coaching. She works with individuals in the areas of profitability, marketing, communications relationship, spirituality, and health. Nancy provides the tools, structure, accountability and support you need every step of the way towards your success. . She can be reached at (305) 653-8833 or www.NancyPowers.com to subscribe to her free enewsletter.

About the Author

Nancy M. Powers is a professional success coach, writer, and captivating keynote speaker. She is a results oriented coach with a money back guarantee. She coaches talented Ceos, Entrepreneurs and small business owners in their desire to cultivate themselves and their business by means of insightful and provocative coaching. She works with individuals in the areas of profitability, marketing, communications relationship, spirituality, and health. Nancy provides the tools, structure, accountability and support you need every step of the way towards your success. . She can be reached at (305) 653-8833.

 



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Index Pages: 1 2

Women and Bad Boys: What Is The Attraction?

"Bad Boys".

If you're a woman, you may be saying "hmmm" as you hear these words. You know you shouldn't, but you just can't help yourself.

There is just SOMETHING about these guys that draws you in, even as your head tells you to "beware"!

So, what exactly is the attraction? It's not necessarily that they are more physically attractive or smarter or more successful than the "nice guys". In fact, they can have fewer of these qualities, yet be harder to resist.

So what is it? Let's begin by defining these guys. This term is generally applied to males who treat women poorly. Do these behaviors ring a bell?

*calling at 8:30 on a Saturday night to ask if you want to get together

*not showing up for a date- followed by no phone call or apology

*never having any money when you are out

* forgetting or ignoring your birthday and other important dates

*flirting openly with other women when you are together

*hitting on your good friend(s)

*making booty calls at 1am, after they've had a night out with others

*is doing time for a serious felony

Instead of asking "what is it about these guys"; let's instead examine what it is about the women who can't resist them. The following are actual statements from women who have a history of attraction to these guys. See if any of these sound familiar.

* "It's never BORING with him. He's unpredictable and exciting."

* "He's strong, aggressive and self-assured; I feel safe with him."

* "It's not his fault; he's trying to get his life together."

* "I haven't met anyone else that makes me feel the way he does."

* "He's so charming and passionate."

* "He tells me how much he likes me, so he must really feel something for me."

* "He needs me."

* "He doesn't come across as needy and desperate."

* "I can't believe I've attracted someone like him."

Now, on the face of these, they seem pretty benign. We all seek at least some of these traits in the men we choose. So, where's the problem?

Essentially it's in his inability to meet the woman's fundamental needs. She is the one doing all (or most) of the giving. The question then lies in; "what's in it for her?"

The answer can be found by exploring three basic issues:

*level of self-esteem

*capacity for intimacy

*roles that she has been in throughout her life

If a woman feels good about herself, she chooses a mate who communicates both verbally and non-verbally to her that she is valued and respected. She won't allow this other person to undermine her positive self-worth. She believes in her ability to participate in a healthy, reciprocal relationship.

If she doesn't feel good about herself, she chooses someone who reinforces her negative self-beliefs.

If a woman is capable of true intimacy, she is open to the true availability of the other person. She wants him to be a full and active participant in the relationship. She can allow herself to be open, vulnerable and able to take as well as to receive all that true intimacy offers.

If intimacy is difficult, she choose someone who is distant, hard to connect with and not emotionally and/or physically available.

If a woman has had a healthy role in her relationships since childhood, she will choose someone with whom she can continue this healthy interaction.

If a woman has been too long in the role of rescuer, caregiver or the one who sacrifices for the good of others, this will probably be the role she will seek out in her relationships.

Fortunately, most women fall somewhere in between on these issues. So the task is to evaluate yourself in each area and decide on a course of action that will help you to choose a "nice guy", who stirs your senses and meets your needs while being truly available for a real relationship.

Begin with an assessment of what you value most in life and cannot live without.

Go to http://www.consum-mate.com/newslets/02oct.htm for an article on "clarifying and living your values".

Once you know what is most important to you and believe that you are worthy of achieving it, you will have taken a giant step towards finding the right partner for you.

Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach with over 20 years of experience. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune and The Orlando Sentinel newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, and Star magazines. She has been featured on ABC News; Discovery Health Channel and AOL Online. As a weekly contributing commentator on the KTRS Radio Morning Show, (St. Louis, MO), Toni offers dating tips and relationship advice in response to listener feedback. Toni founded Consum-mate.com in 2002 to offer singles the knowledge and tools they need to find and sustain healthy, lasting love relationships. She is a member of The International Coach Federation, and The International Association Of Coaches.






 

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